Nashville: Day 1

Up at 4am to catch our flight. (4am is usually closer to bedtime for Cach.) Flight had worst turbulance I've ever experienced.

Beeki fell asleep and slobbered a pool into her hand and then for some reason felt the need to show me.

Met with folks about a prospective job for Beeki. (Omitted the "slobbered in her hand" story.) It went very well.

Saw a hockey shop. I celebrated. The following conversation ensued:

Cach: Yaaaay! A hockey store!
Beeki: They have hockey here?
Cach: Yeah, the Predators play here.
Beeki: Oh, no! They named their team after child molestors?!

Then we saw a play and are now crashed out at the residence of The Chaotic Hammer. He and his wife are wicked cool and way generous to share their place with us.

More later.

What not to miss?

Okay, Beeki and I are headed to Nashville tomorrow to check things out. If you're up there, we'd love to find a way to run into you.

But in any case, what do we need to be sure not to miss while there? And do any of you have leads on a job for someone like me?

I know... details...

Confessions

I'm a Christian and a minister, so forgiveness is supposed to be one of those things that I have expertise in. But for some reason, I've been having trouble with a few aspects of the subject lately. I think part of it is that I'm about to move and leave behind the opportunity to seek forgiveness from people or situations that I want to. But that's only a minor complication, really. Allow me to explain.

In the course of my job I have had to do a few unpleasant things. I've fired two people. I've openly opposed Board members who were later effectively removed. And I feel badly about it. I wish I hadn't had to do it. But I did. I can't even wish to take back what I did because it needed to be done for the good of the theatre and in order to fulfill my duties to the organization. I want to feel like I don't need to be forgiven for what I did. But on some level I do. Even if I can't actually say I did anything wrong.

When I started seminary, I had a much narrower outlook on life and theology. One time, in a class, I made a disparaging remark about a certain political point of view to the girl sitting next to me. I just took it for granted that all Christians thought the same about certain things. She reacted strangely, although I didn't understand why at the time, and it was only later as I replayed that incident in my head that I realized I had offended her. That was almost six years ago and I have no idea where she is now. I couldn't even begin to say that I think she remembers it. But I do. And I can't ask her pardon.

Another time, I made a comment in class to a professor that I'm sure no one else remembers and everyone else has blown off, but remains one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. During a time of prayer requests, I noted that the Texas legislature was allowing moments of silence in school and that the students would follow the lead of the teachers in how to react and that we should pray for the teachers for guidance. The teacher reacted politely, but in an eye-opening moment of instruction said that not everyone might feel the same way about the "moment of silence" issue. That was one of the first times I really dug deeper into the complicated world of politics/religion and realized that I had been naive in listening to the most strident and boisterous voices that claimed to represent my faith. I would like nothing more than to apologize for my insensitivity and thank that professor for so gently teaching me one of the most important lessons that I learned in seminary. But that professor died three years ago. And I can't say anything to her now.

Oh, God, and there are others. But knowing that I need to seek forgiveness from God and live a life changed by that forgiveness, and actually doing it are two different things. Living with the knowledge that there are people out there who think poorly of me because of offhanded or thoughtless things I've done or said saddens me deeply. I'm even sadder knowing that I've changed and grown in ways that would not allow me to say or do those things now. And I can't make it right.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about this Sunday.

Bright Lights, Big City

Well... I didn't get into Stanford. So it looks like Beeki and I are going to be moving to Nashville this summer. Everything is still pretty fluid at this point, but we're planning on being up there for a visit next weekend. I'm trying to figure out exactly where we'll be and when, and believe me, if you're in Nashville, I'll be in touch shortly!

The goal is going to be opening a theatre company not too long from now. But first we'll need to take care of details like a place to live and a job for Beeki. She's an MFA in Directing, so if you know of any colleges or universities who are looking for the most talented 27 year old director in the country to teach and direct in their theatre department, let me know.

Meantime, I'm about to begin posting some ideas that I have for a different way to do theatre in America today. I hope you'll all provide feedback, and honest feedback at that. I've got some pretty heretical thoughts such as, "Artists like to talk a lot about how good and necessary they are for the community... but can any of them prove that?" and "Why is it so difficult to find a good production of a play on DVD?" and "Why do so many supposedly ground-breaking and important plays actually suck even if no one is willing to say so?" and "Are theatres the only organizations worse than churches at actually reaching the people they claim to target?" So, hopefully I've got some interesting answers to those questions, and hopefully the ones that I don't have answers to, I can begin to work out solutions to with your help.

See you in Nashville!

Sandwich

I just invented a sandwich. That's right. I'm adding "cooker" to my resume. Maybe that should be "sandwich maker." But really, I think of myself as more than that. Sure, this time I just invented a sandwich, but it could have been anything. I'll go with "Baker." Wait a sec... I've already got that title. Until there's a better suggestion, I'm sticking with "cooker."

What is this sandwich, you ask? An almond butter, blueberry, and honey on wheat bread sandwich. Dee-lish.

As usual, feel free to copy me. But if, nay..., when you do, you must give me credit. If you make it for a friend or loved one, before eating give thanks in this manner: "O God, thank thee for food and Scott Baker: cooker of good sandwiches." If you enjoy the sandwich in private, there's no need to make a private display of gratitude. Just sacrifice something Old Testament-y later. Something like a perfect white dove. Or a cow. Maybe a golden cow.

Enjoy your scottwich.

Cachinnator as Cupid

So Valentine's Day is coming up. I, being as romantic as I am, have some great gift ideas for you all. Most of these are taken from my real life, and yes you can feel free to steal them.

Make the everyday into something special. For example, a while back, Beeki told me to re-order her contacts. So I did. They came in a week ago, but I stashed them. Now her old ones are drying out and starting to burn. She thinks I'm insensitive and lazy, but boy will she be surprised when they turn up on her nightstand later this week!

Buy her a stunning gift. I recommend the Jane Seymour thing from Kay. The one that looks like two butts.

Do something she wouldn't expect. I'm thinking: laundry.

Prepare a romantic meal for her. If you're as busy as I am, and your wife is as busy as Beeki is, chances are this is one suggestion on which you can cut corners. So long as you never actually say, "I cooked this for you," and instead stick with, "I prepared this for you," it's technically not lying if you put Italian take-out on a plate, mess up a bunch of dishes, and take credit for it.

Learn something new that she won't see coming. In my case, I'm about to unveil to Beeki that I've learned how to make money. (I don't actually have this one prepared yet. If any of you have some advice to offer here, please email me. I've only got a few days left.)

Beeki's a lucky woman.

I May Already be a President

I just found out that I'm on a stamp. I think that makes me a national treasure.

Seriously, when you google yourself, do you find yourself on a stamp? I didn't think so.

Consider this: who else is found on stamps? Abraham Lincoln. Barack Obama. Edgar Allan Poe. Frank Sinatra. Bette Davis.

That's right. Bette. Freakin'. Davis.

I need to check my bank account. I may already be rich. Are those my neighbors outside or paparazzi? Beeki's going to need bigger and more ridiculous sunglasses. Better get Bert and Ernie a bath since they'll be famous by proxy.

Don't worry, I'll always sign autographs. And I won't be one of those jerks who doesn't want you selling his autograph on ebay. I'm happy to support the economy with my awesomeness.

A Recent Conversation with my Wife

Beeki: Would I like the Tudors?
Cach: I think so. Do you know much about the English Reformation?
Beeki: No. Where would I have learned that?
Cach: I don't know. History class? Reading about it because it's interesting?
Beeki: My high school history teacher had epilepsy so bad that he had a bunch of seizures and bit off half his tongue.
Cach: ...
Beeki: So I had a hard time understanding him a lot of the time.
Cach: ... (Struggling) ... That's not funny... (still struggling) ... it's not...
Beeki: I remember one time he asked me a question and I couldn't understand him.
Cach: (Fighting soooo hard not to laugh) ... ... ...
Beeki: And it was like the Wonder Years. I was looking around me to see if anyone could help me and they were all just staring at me.
Cach: ... (Really struggling)... Yeah, I think you'd like the Tudors.

Cachinnator in the News

More from the local paper about yours truly:

Sunday, February 08, 2009

By Carl Hoover

Tribune-Herald entertainment editor

After last month’s postponement of “Tuna Does Vegas” for the second time, Waco Hippodrome Theatre officials are consoling themselves with this thought: Four years ago, such news could have been fatal for the historic performing arts venue.

A fall dotted with show cancellations, slowing ticket sales and spotty turnouts followed by a second rescheduling of “Tuna Does Vegas” has dealt a body punch to the Hippodrome’s 2008-09 operating budget. But Waco Performing Arts Company executive director Scott Baker says there’s no thought of the theater shutting its doors.

“Nobody is questioning the future of the Waco Performing Arts Company,” he said, referring to the organization that manages the Hippodrome.

The postponement of five “Tuna Does Vegas” shows last month due to damage to the company’s costumes has cost the Hippodrome needed revenue, and theater officials are seriously contemplating getting a loan to cover a cash flow shortage until midspring, when the theater will field several major shows in a short period of time — including the new dates of “Tuna Does Vegas,” April 17-19.

Baker was recently encouraged that about 500 people turned out for the Feb. 3 performance of “Cirque le Masque,” a number smaller than the audience he anticipated last year when planning the season but larger than he expected given recent months of dire economic news.

“We are showing some signs of rebound,” he said.

March through May will be busy with eight major stage productions and two fundraisers, but getting to that point through a quiet February will be challenging.

WPAC Board President Hap Nielsen said, however, that changes in the theater’s operation, marketing and budgeting have strengthened the theater’s financial condition since a spring 2005 crisis that pushed the 95-year-old facility to the brink of closing and led to an emergency appeal to the community for donations.

Paying off debt, expansion of audiences through diverse programming and inventive marketing, streamlined office management and additional revenue streams, such as film programs enabled by the theater’s new high-definition video projector, have added up to sounder financial footing for the Hippodrome, Nielsen said.

“I credit Scott and I credit his staff for thinking of ways of doing things better,” he said.

Baker came to the theater in the summer of 2005 on a part-time basis, then the board moved him to full time several months later. The WPAC budget has grown in that time from $220,000 to roughly $400,000. Season tickets also have increased under Baker’s watch, from 220 in the 2005-06 season to approximately 700 this year.

Online ticketing, which Baker helped implement, now accounts for roughly one-third of the Hippodrome’s ticket sales.

The executive director plans to leave his position in June and said he regrets not being able to pay off its debt entirely before leaving, having closed to within $30,000 this season.

For Brian Bivona, who left the WPAC board last November after 16 years, the biggest change since the 2005 emergency was paying off about $200,000 in accumulated debt that had rolled over year to year.

Having reduced that debt, in fact, will help the Hippodrome secure any short-term loans needed to cope with the theater’s current cash-flow problem, Baker said.

Any performing-arts venue or organization has to deal with events beyond its control, and the Hippodrome’s rocky fall brought nods of sympathy from Wes Allison, president of the Heart O’ Texas Fair and Rodeo, and Waco Symphony Orchestra executive director Susan Taylor. Both said their organizations try to minimize the effects of the unexpected on their schedules and budgets, but no system of safeguards is perfect.

Allison said cancellation and weather insurance on concerts the Coliseum sponsors helps minimize unexpected losses, as do deposits required from those renting HOT Complex facilities for events. A reserve fund provides emergency backup if something should strike the annual HOT Fair and Rodeo, the organization’s primary moneymaker, and officials are careful not to overextend their sponsored events.

The logistics of organizing some 80 symphony musicians and a busy Waco Hall schedule makes rescheduling a canceled Waco Symphony Orchestra concert a headache, so officials would seek a substitute as the first option, should a guest artist cancel, Taylor said.

Few performers in the WSO’s history have canceled a concert date, she noted, but should that happen, the talent agency backing the performer can suggest a replacement or contacts in the symphony world can lead the WSO to an alternate, Taylor said.

The WSO also can draw from Baylor University’s School of Music faculty for a talented soloist, she added.

Bad luck piles on

Before a run of bad luck struck, the Hippodrome’s 2008-09 season looked promising last fall, with season tickets selling briskly this summer.

A five-performance run of “Tuna Does Vegas,” the latest Texas-flavored comedy from Austin actors Jaston Williams and Joe Sears, was to kick off the theater year in September, but the Austin company postponed that run after Hurricane Gustav canceled other tour dates in the Gulf area.

That postponement, coupled with a widening national recession, tipped off a chain of falling financial dominoes for the theater. While the theater was able to reschedule most of its sold “Tuna” tickets, the missing shows removed a marketing platform Baker had depended upon: some 2,000 “Tuna” and theater fans spread over five performances.

That loss of audience exposure and the chill of a falling economy caused a season ticket drive to fall short of its 800-ticket goal and shortfalls in audience turnout for “The Pajama Game,” “Seussical,” “Defending the Caveman,” “Sweeney Todd” and “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” Baker said, the latter three shows being the type of edgy or different programming that a “Tuna” audience would support.

The dance show “Tapestry” canceled because of poor sales. The theater added a second performance of “Oliver!” to help its touring company in a financial bind, but the extra show meant extra marketing expenses.

“The Three Redneck Tenors’ Spec-tac-yule-ar” proved the fall’s first true success, and Baker hoped a January run of “Tuna Does Vegas” would inject cash into the theater’s spring season — needed after an earlier decision to cancel a February Mardi Gras fundraiser — as well as help sell tickets for spring shows.

Then came January’s distressing news: An accident had damaged the company’s costumes, and “Tuna” would have to be postponed a second time.

Baker acknowledged that the next few months will be a challenge but was optimistic about the theater’s future.

“It’s tough. It’s tight, but the doors are open and shows are going on,” he said.


Find the original article here.

A Recent Conversation with Forky

This conversation is brought to you by Gmail chat and the letter "H." Context: Forky has been waiting to find out if he's going to appear in a segment on a very popular national morning show broadcast out of NYC about art students and the models who pose for them. He's the model. The nude model. Enjoy:

Forky: CACH! HOLY CRAP!!

Cach: Jees?

Forky: They WERE ready for this jelly!

Cach: SHUT UP!

Forky: .......

Cach: So you and your jelly are headed for prime time?

Forky: Well, prime...morning...time....?

Cach: And are you ready to hit on Couric?

Forky: I hate that bitch.

Cach: Forky...

Forky: WHAT?

Cach: Now, now... Beeki wants to know if you ever fart while posing.

Forky: HA! Umm. Well, we ALL fart, Beeki.

Cach: I'm sure she'll find that amusing.

Forky: Just because you're naked doesn't mean you fart MORE.

Cach: She also wants to know if there will be a blooper reel from the segment. I don't really know what that means.

Forky: Oh, I do.

Cach: I'm picturing like you hitting the camera with your junk during a close-up.

Forky: Oh. I was thinking of something much simpler than that.

Cach: Like farting?

Forky: ....... More male.

Cach: Like burping and farting while scratching yourself? Ha ha.

Forky: Like, doing my interview and suddenly I get nervous or something. BLOOPER!

Cach: Is that what they're calling it these days?

Forky: A Blooper?

Cach: Yeah.

Forky: I don't even know what they're going to do. I find out
tomorrow

Cach: So, what? They're going to show up at one of your sessions and film?

Forky: I have no clue.

Cach: Or you go in studio and get nekked in one of those rooms on the ground floor with all the windows?

Forky: They may not even interview me. It's about the New York Academy of Art (Yes..."Nyaa") But they needed models to show how the students do their art from life. "Do their art". Yeah, it's THAT kind of school. Where kids "do art"

Cach: Will they also show them smoking dope in their dorm rooms and pretending to have intellectual discussions?

Forky: Dude...if I have to be nude in front of Matt "Baldy" and a whole camera crew--blue dot or no--that'd be really strange.

Cach: Yeah... blooper!

Forky: Well, I mean... I was thinking about that during my gig tonight. I don't even think about it anymore. But I'd sure as hell think about it if I knew the entire country was on the other end. Of the camera.

Cach: Eating their breakfast while checking out your sweet sweet ass?

Forky: DUDE! This is getting weirder the more I think about it! I'm sure they'll have us in speedos or something. And ask us stupid questions like "Does it get cold up there?"

Cach: I'm picturing some guy who used to work with you at 6 Flags watching and going, "Hey, ma! Come check this out! I think the naked guy used to be Tweety!"

Forky: Marvin, but yes. Things are gonna start happening to ME NOW!

Cach: Things like bloopers?

Forky: If they haven't happened by now, they ain't never gonna happen.

Cach: Yeah, you're getting old.

Forky: ....... :^( Well, once I find out what it is they're going to have us nudies do, I guess I have to break the news to my family.

Cach: It really will give Mama Forky the vapors. And then she'll die.

Forky: Not in this economy. If she can shut down hospitals, she can deal with her nude son on national television.

Cach: I guess that does put things in perspective, huh?

Forky: Kinda does.

Cach: After having people call her the devil in all kinds of public forums, she can handle you shaming the Forky family name with your shameless sluttery.

Forky: Oh, I assure you, it's NOT shameless. Wait, who'm I kidding?

Cach: Well, see? I think that actually does make it better! Knowing there's shame involved, that is.

Forky: Right right.

Another Offer

This is another totally serious offer that I got to book at my theatre:



What do you think? I think Nelson + Hasslehoff = bulletproof. They'll rename this city for me.

What I Learned From the Super Bowl

Super Bowl commercials are why the terrorists hate us.

Pretty sure I'm with the terrorists on this one.