Is there anything worse than the Oscars? Oh sure, there's War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. But other than those things, is there anything worse than the Oscars? Surely I can't be the only person sick of the self-congratulatory snore that is the Academy Award Ceremony. Why am I supposed to watch the moderately-talented rich and beautiful people bathe themselves in enough wealth to end world hunger, cry and shake in triumph as if they had made some remarkable achievement for mankind, and then blame the government in their speeches for everything they don't like in life? Only very seldomly do they actually reward someone with any real talent, and then it's usually for a performance that person gave the year before but didn't receive the award they should have. It's maddening. But seriously, the acceptance speeches are the worst. Even the ones that don't sound like they were written in hopes of being quoted in a political news article the next day are agonizing. You've got these sobbing wrecks up there thanking everyone in the world and clutching the little trophy like it's a golden ticket, and they are making these speeches touting how far they've come or how much they believed or how great this thing is. But what is it? An award for curing cancer? No. It's for acting. Acting for crying out loud! What the crap? Didn't they get a paycheck? Why a trophy and a multi-million dollar party too? No one gives me trophies. Do they give them to you for doing your job for which you are duly compensated? Perhaps they should. I would love to see mailmen, secretaries, bartenders, and mortgage lenders bawling while clutching little naked statues and shrieking about how "this award is really for all of you fans out there." Gag. I ain't watching no Oscars.