So I'm in KC now. So far so freak. I'll explain more later. But for now, I give you the Mumbly Famer. He's the guy I sat next to on my way from Waco to Dallas. It was one of the more interesting plane rides I've had.

I sat on the aisle, as I always do, next to the Mumbly Farmer. Who's he, you ask? He's a crazy old farmer who mumbled out loud the whole plane ride. I didn't understand a word he said except for, "Coffee," in response to what he wanted to drink. I was afraid he was mumbling at me, so I promptly put in my earbuds in order to be able to feign ignorance. This dude was nuts. N-V-T-S: nuts. If he were Middle Eastern, the air marshall would have hog tied his ass.

(Editors note: this in no way reflects any bias or prejudice of the author towards those of Middle Easter descent. The author himself is related to many Middle Easterners and loves them. He's just stating a fact.)

I even pulled out my earbuds at one point to try to understand even one word, but it was not possible. And he was clutching a Donna Karen handbag. I was both terrified and amused. I was amerrified. So I took his picture. It was a risky move, but well worth it. Here he is:

The Mumbly Farmer says, "Mmmggrrg. Brrrpppttffnnggs. Aaagnnbvmmstht."

Oh, and children sat behind me and kicked me the whole ride while seemingly trying to create a WWE match. But it was a turboprop flight, so I didn't notice that as much as the Mumbly Farmer. Ta ta