There is an evil in this world, my friends. Yes, Cachinnatees, there is a force so nefarious and vile that is corrupting people all over our nation, and to which I must call attention. This sickening vice masquerades as "holiday spirit" and "the Christmas mood," but it is in fact soul-killing sin. What is this evil of which I speak? I'm talking about gigantic inflatable lawn decorations. That's right, this evil. Surely, nothing screams "Jesus who?" like these monstrous, trashy, showy, wastes of money. Please, someone try to convince me that these have something to do with honoring Jesus' birthday and that they aren't eyesores whose total cost could feed a third world country for a week. It cannot be done.
And I will expose this evil! Yes, that's right! Expose! All throughout the month of December, (Please God, let them be taken down by January...), I will be posting photos of some of the most egregious offenders here at Cachinnation Central. I encourage you to help me make fun of this blight upon our nation by posting links to photos of your own in the comments. And remember, tasteless decorations aren't limited to inflatable crimes against humanity. Misunderstanding the holiday and blatant disregard for neighborhood aesthetics comes in all shapes and sizes. Let's fight them all.
If you are one of the Inflatable Offenders, please repent and go with something tasteful, understated, traditional, and reverent. (Or pick a fight with me here, that's always encouraged and fun.) If you have a friend who is an Inflatable Offender, please either help them see the error of their way, point and laugh at them, cover childrens' eyes whenever passing their house, or pose their decorations in obscene positions. If you are willing to join the brigade, then affirm your desire to join my new support group: This Here Opposition Says Evil Blow-up Lawn Objects Wreck Christmas, Harm Unification Needs, and Knowingly Stink.
Below is my first picture of a neighborhood offender. Revile this fool with me:
Revile. Revile.
11 Cachinnations
Having lawn deer, myself, I have come to expect the obscene poses to which you refer. But this year, idiocy has reared its ugly head. When I found our deer so posed a few days ago, it was with Bambi's mom behind and on top of Bambi's dad.
Tell me that today's vandalistic youth know that antlers means boy and no antlers means girl. Tell me they are not that dumb, now.
Posted on 12/05/2006
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Posted on 12/05/2006
Our house is the only one on the block without outdoor Xmas decorations. Not because I'm opposed to them. It's just that I'm lazy and it's been cold. But the inside looks like Currier and Ives.
Posted on 12/05/2006
I despise christmas and everything it stands for. I shall pop any inflatables within my reach.
Posted on 12/05/2006
Well maybe it was dark and I was in a hurry, or I mean, they were in a hurry Euphrony. Sheesh. Picky picky.
Posted on 12/05/2006
Oh! You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why
Cause if you do i'll put one of those in your yard!!!
Posted on 12/05/2006
Sorry, Euph, most of them can't even tell you the Vice President's name.
Posted on 12/06/2006
Blob, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I hardly think it's Christmas' fault that people are foolish and have no taste. Hmm?
Posted on 12/06/2006
I just had a lengthy discussion with my sister yesterday on how inflatables are "bullshit and cheating" in one's holiday decor.
I have a neighbor with a fenced-in year round display of them--a set for every season. But I live in Canton, Ohio and it's expected 'round these parts. A terrible tragedy. I plan on moving shortly.
Posted on 12/11/2006
Truly hideous. My next-door neighbor has a projector on her lawn that lights up a huge white circle on the house with a Christmas tree in the middle. And it's crooked. What are these people thinking?
Posted on 12/15/2006
Mombi, Canton sounds like hell.
Posted on 12/16/2006