(The setup: Don Boscoe, his girlfriend D&D Beffy, Beeki, and I are all getting ready to watch a movie. I bring up the entertaining fact that Beeki's grandmother has been quite persistent lately in insisting that I be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Don Boscoe asks if he would be one of my phone-a-friends. I respond with silence.)

Boscoe: Well, who are you gonna call if they ask a question about Audrey Hepburn?

Beffy: See, honey, that's why people think you're gay.


I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.