“Vindication is mine,” sayeth the Beeki

You scoffed when I claimed that fear of driving over babies in the road was completely rational.

Let’s face it, every time you’ve seen a grocery bag blowing in the wind, you’ve laughed a little to yourself. “That Beeki,” you’ve thought, “what a freaking crackhead (though not comparable to the other Crackhead).” You’ve periodically shed a small tear of pity for the Cach. I mean, his wife is a nut, right? Well, scoffers, I am vindicated at last.

First, let me tell you that a few months ago, People magazine put out an article about a little baby girl found in a bag on the road. I thought at that moment victory was mine. My fear was normal and reasonable, because, well...it actually happened. I could look people in the eye again.

Then...it happened.

At this moment, I must tell you about my other fear: whales. I have always been afraid of them. I just don’t like the idea that something could eat me and not even know it. I do not like going to Sea World, I hated the “Free Willy” movies (due to fear of whales and crappy movies), and I detest the need for random companies to use whales in their commercials (what does a whale have to do with insurance?). So, there I was, feeling partially justified over the baby issue when I found out the news. A whale ate a man’s leg. Seriously. I felt more joy and fear in that moment than any since my wedding day.

Then... it happened again.

I realized that MY FEARS HAVE COME TRUE. What am I supposed to do now?? Hide under the covers of my bed and wait for global warming to kill me? I ain’t afraid... much.