(The following conversation with my former intern is brought to you by Facebook chat.)

Intern: Seems like someone's awfully close to some graduation spankings!

Cach: I can only hope.

Intern: I'll have to get my big paddle out of storage...

Cach: Tell the truth, this is at least the fourth time this week you've said that.

Intern: That's a pretty conservative estimate. You know me better than that, Cach.

Cach: It's only Tuesday, for crying out loud! What kind of kinky crap do they have you doing up at that office in Connecticut?!?

Intern: Makes the sexual tension at the Hippo seem like small potatoes. Well, medium-sized potatoes.

Cach: Remind me... who was it that wanted you there?

Intern: All women, shockingly. Once they got a look look at my "goodies", that's all it took. And by "goodies", I mean credentials.

Cach: And by "credentials" you mean bribe money?

Intern: You should know...the check had your signature on it.

Cach: So did the check to Gallagher. Not exactly as prestigious as it might seem.

Intern: Well, it's Connecticut. Standards are lower here across the board. Ironically, you're somewhat of a statewide celebrity here.

Cach: You say that, but when was the last time they had Gallagher diving in their dumpster? (Remind me to tell that story some time...) I'm huge in Connecticut theatre dumpsters.

Intern: That's what he said? Also, Connecticut is sort of like if Waco was an entire state. Grotesque as that may seem.

Cach: Did they get the 80 ft. white guy with a gun statue though? Because we missed out on that one. They might be more Waco than Waco.

Intern: I'm sure there's one at the Casino up the highway. Aiming his gun at the casino.

Cach: And, tell the truth, that's where you live when you're not in the office, isn't it? You've got a stool at a slot machine with an Intern shaped indention and a postcard of Mad Chad on it, right?

Intern: Maybe you ought to check the security footage, big spender. I'm spending Hippo money out of an account in the Grand Caymans. Hope you've found a replacement already.

Cach: Are you kidding? We're a non-profit theatre! We're making so much dough we'd never miss the money you're stealing! Who do you think we are, Downtown Waco, Inc.?

Intern: Call me Margaret Mills and slap me silly. BAM! There's your new blog headline quote. I knew I'd get a good one in eventually.

Cach: Yeah... well, I've got to get back to my homework here. These damned theology papers don't write themselves.

Intern: Well, soon enough, I'll sit you down and tell you about life in the real world. Post-graduation. It's a different ballgame, son. Later.

Cach: Word.