I am the Bloggai Lama. I will answer all of your questions. I have the wisdom of the ages. You may ask me your deepest queries and I shall aid in your quests. No question is too deep. No topic off limits. Now, young grasshoppers, ask the Bloggai Lama!
Ah, young grasshoppers, snatch the pebble from my hand!"
27 Cachinnations
Dear Bloggai Llama, doesn't claiming ones self to be the spiritual guide to thousands upon thousands of bloggers go against the wisdom of a humble person??
Posted on 9/24/2006
No, grasshopper. In order to be humble, you must actually be good enough at something to brag. By not bragging, one is humble. I speak only the truth. You could cut down on the beer and cheap women, though.
Posted on 9/24/2006
Ah, grasshopper, you cannot fight the inevitable and win. As they say, whether the stone hits the vase or the vase hits the stone... it's going to be bad for the vase. Perhaps the question you should be asking is, "what can I do so that there are no dirty dishes for my husband to do?" This way, you shall ever avoid disappointment.
Posted on 9/24/2006
Dear Bolggai Lama, is it comfortable wearing that red sheet all day?
Posted on 9/25/2006
Dear Bloggai Llama, Thanks for the tip on humility. My next question is...when plying women with booze and trying to convince them you're more handsome and wonderful than you really are...and when you're friends won't set you up...What's a guy to do to get a date in this town?
Posted on 9/25/2006
Hmm, grasshopper Rex, the red sheet is the only garb the Bloggai Lama recommends when going commando.
Posted on 9/25/2006
Grasshopper Don, remember not to seek answers for your questions in material goods. Instead, try bathing more. Double your current bath time: twice a week from now on.
Posted on 9/25/2006
You're a nut. You really are.
Posted on 9/25/2006
Just be sure, grasshopper Meg, that when winter comes, you have stored up many nuts to be more like the wise industrious ant and less like the lazy foolish grasshopper. And be careful, for I am told that in Scotland in the winter one can freeze one's nuts off.
Posted on 9/25/2006
Dear Bloggai Llama,
If you could ask the Dalai Lama one question, what would it be?
Posted on 9/25/2006
Grasshopper Tracy asks an interesting question. For those of you who don't know, the Dalai Lama was cloned from me years ago. He has much of my same wisdom, but I would ask him why he didn't also get my dashing good looks. Not that external appearances are important, but seriously, what happened?
Posted on 9/25/2006
Bloggai Lama,
I have sent you emails to heal your template woes. Why have I not heard from you?
PS. Do you ever get mistaken for Keith Green?
Posted on 9/25/2006
PS. No sale, no move, more blogging!! :o)
Posted on 9/25/2006
Grasshopper Emma, your querie is a good one. Why indeed would someone not respond to an email that said person solicited? I may speculate that said person has a dual problem: too much on his plate and the desire to continually increase his load. I may also hazard a guess that he has well over 2,000 emails in his various inboxes and just can't seem to get caught up. On the other hand, he may just be a bastard. Follow your heart, grasshopper.
Posted on 9/25/2006
Grasshopper Emma, in my opinion...which matters because basically i'm the anti-Bloggai Llama...I say his problem is on the other hand.
Keith Green is a good one!!
Posted on 9/25/2006
Dear Bloggai Lama,
When was the first time you fell in love, and what was the experience like?
Posted on 9/25/2006
Ah, grasshopper Hammer, you raise a very important question. For what is more important than love? The first time I, the Bloggai Lama, fell in love was three and a half years old. I sat in my father's lap and learned to read. At first, my parents didn't believe I was actually reading because I was awfully young to be doing so. But I was reading. The King, the Mice, and the Cheese opened up a whole new world to me. And that was when I fell in love. I was finally able to read and tell the difference between dog biscuits and cookies when I broke in to the pantry. It was like being lifted to a higher plane of existence.
Posted on 9/26/2006
Dear Bloggai Llama, Why don't you call me? :(
Posted on 9/26/2006
Grasshopper Gray-ham, a Bloggai Lama spends much time in meditation. And your breath even carries even over the phone.
Posted on 9/26/2006
Hey friend, I finally put up a pic of Butts Wynd for you on that blog entry. Now did you want the picture just to be sure I wasn't inventing things over here. Geeze...what little faith you have. But that actually is a pretty good idea...maybe I'll start inventing things...you guys would never know the difference.
Posted on 9/26/2006
No, grasshopper Meg, my faith in you is not shaken. I, the Bloggai Lama, have complete faith in you. I just want to be sure that all the world may be enlightened by knowing about the existence of Butts Wynd.
Posted on 9/26/2006
How can I submit a serious comment now?! I WAS going to say thank you for the interesting "ethical debate," or whatever, about Derek Webb's Mockingbird free cd thing, but now I guess I can't....
However:
Dear Bloggai Llama,
Is your father really a Llama?
Posted on 9/26/2006
Ah, yes, grasshopper Grayson, you ask a very keen question. This is a common misconception. My father is a man well known to this blog. So, no, he is not a llama.
But in the Bloggai Lama tradition, nomenclature is matrilineal.
Therefore, my mother is a llama.
Posted on 9/26/2006
I have the true photo of the bloggai llama at my sight...
Roses in December
It's true...he's been deceiving us all!!
Posted on 9/26/2006
Faithful grasshoppers, clearly Don Boscoe has anger issues stemming from the fact that his parents dressed him as a girl three days a week while he was a toddler. We will pray for him.
Posted on 9/26/2006
Dear Bloggai Lama,
What can I cook for dinner tonight that is tasty yet low-fat, nutritious, and won't bother my husband's acid reflux???
Posted on 9/27/2006
Grasshopper Susanne, a wonderful question! A sensible recommendation would be lean chicken breast grilled with garlic, lemon, parsley, and onions in light vegetable oil served with grapes, a small salad, and a mix of nuts and raisins. But there's something to be said for pizza chased by antacid.
Posted on 9/28/2006