Yes, Cachinnatees, I am back. And I had a wonderful time full of cachinnation-worthy adventures. I shall now tell the tales:
Our adventure begins with me leaving an hour later than I wanted and getting stalled in traffic and accidents as I tried to drive from Central Texas to Southern Virginia. (This would prove to be a common theme...) I would have loved to have left earlier in the day than 8:30pm, but I couldn't. Work. 
I wanted to make Little Rock but would have been satisfied with Texarkana. (Dumbest city name ever.) I made neither. But here's the oh-so comfortable bed I managed to get in a little dot-on-the-map town. Doesn't it just scream comfort and luxury?
So on I drove through Arkansas, across the Mississippi River, and into Memphis. (Also known as the third circle of hell.) Yes, Memphis. Who needs road signs? Who needs multiple lanes? Who needs attractive roadways? Who needs twenty feet without a road hazard warning of some kind? I hate Memphis.
I saw some interesting folks in Memphis. I saw this car on the right that actually looks like a grenade went off inside. And not a single person on the road seemed to understand the concept of lanes or the flow of traffic. At one point, three trucks were all driving exactly parallel to each other!!! In the three left lanes!!! 
And this yahoo on the left zipped around me and them nearly making me wreck. I was just about to run him off the road when I noticed his Baby on Board sign. Boy did he luck out.
But the worst thing about Memphis is that it is the Tennesseean harbinger of impending doom. Reason? Because Tennessee is the longest frickin' state in the world. Now I'm from Texas; I know big states. You expect that in Texas. But Tennessee? It was about a forty hour drive! Here's me before entering Tennessee and exiting it the next day:
Before
After
Fortunately, I had a place to stay for the night. I crashed with the Johnsons in Tennessee. I'm not too sure Mrs. Johnson was nuts about the plan, but what the heck. (Kidding! She was totally thrilled! She bowled great too!) He's playing Jesus in a play right now. I have no excuse for the way I look. Sorry.But speaking of the way I look, for those of you who have been following Project: Big Boy, it was rather challenging finding healthy food on the road. McDonald's was particularly entertaining though. (Fret not, Cachinnatees, I ordered a salad. It was quite tasty.)
But I was rather disturbed by their marquee. Ew. Micky D's Sweet Tea? That doesn't sound even remotely good. And somehow the word 'gallon' doesn't sit right with me in that context. Didn't they try to serve pizza a few years back? When will they get the fact that people only go there for quick and dirty pseudo-burgers? (And the occasional salad.) But just in case I was interested, I noticed this header on my receipt from a McDonald's in Arkansas:
I think the header speaks for itself. I'm not sure why McArkansas.com is so amusing to me, but it is.
Finally, I got to the site of the wedding. The reception was in a barn. I helped decorate and set up. A bit. (Okay, other people did most of the work, but I wanted a little credit.)
And fun time was on! We had a great rehearsal, we had a nice dinner, the next morning we played ultimate frisbee, we went to the lake. It was great. The photo here is the bride guarding the groom in ultimate. I had to play for the girls' team because we had more guys than girls so we decided to divide teams by hair length instead of gender. I'm going to go on the record saying that we stomped the boys. (Please, no attempts to verify any claims made on this website.)
The wedding itself was great. We put up a huge tent because the weather report said there was a 90% chance of rain. So naturally, it didn't rain. The weather during the service couldn't have been better. Then, not ten minutes after the ceremony ended, the clouds rolled in. Just as pictures were getting under way, the heavens opened up. This is a picture of us all running for cover as the rain began. It was awesome.I couldn't stay long since I had to head home as soon as possible to make sure I got back to Texas Sunday night. I offered their blessing, hugged them all, and headed out.
Finally, it was time to get back on the road.
Theme Song (Recorded live on the road)
So I dragged my butt on home. Tennessee took four years again, and Memphis lived up to its billing as pure hell. It wasn't funny. No comedy there. Arkansas was a different story:
It was a great trip! And very entertaining as well. So there's my weekend adventures. I'm tired. More fun this week, I promise. We've got a number of interesting projects coming up!
16 Cachinnations
Good Blog. I share your setiment about both TN and Arkansas. I also share your setiment about the wedding weekend being so much fun. Of course it was my wedding ;) Thanks for running the ceremony, there was no one else I'd rather have marry Erin and I!
Posted on 7/25/2006
Rex! Aren't you in Jamaica?? On your honeymoon??? Shouldn't you be doing... something other than blogging?!?
Great to hear from you. It was a wonderful wedding. It was a really beautiful time. I'm so proud to have been a part of it.
Posted on 7/25/2006
Hey, buddy, I was saved reading on of these billboards. Unfortunately I am paralyzed from the neck down after smashing into the back of a chicken truck during conversion
I did see a billboard once that I thought was kind of well placed. In Missouri, on your way to Springfield on I-44 you will see signs that simply have verses like this, they are black with white letters, so you can read better in the night. "The pure in heart shall see God" a hlaf a mile later you run onto the biggest XXXXXXX porno store in the state. (the signs go both ways btw) The Menonites put the signs there believe it or not. They have a community not far from the store.
Posted on 7/26/2006
I agree about Memphis. That was one long road trip. I'm surprised you didn't just fly, but then again, you would've missed experiencing Memphis and wouldn't have all these other great stories.
Posted on 7/26/2006
You'd have to be from the Deep South to understand the allure of a gallon of sweet tea! I was so excited when I found out that Chick-fil-A here in Houston serves delicious sweet tea (instead of telling you, "the sugar's on the table, stupid!").
Memphis is not the most beautiful place on earth, but did you notice how Tennessee gets prettier as you head east? The Smokies sure are pretty.
Looks like the wedding was fun. Glad you're back so I can read more Einstein messages. :)
Posted on 7/26/2006
Ah, your number 1# Cahinnator Fan here!
BTW.......I gave your toiletries to Joey to mail to you. :)
Loved the WN Road Warrior Song, thinking about making it my next ring tone!
Glad to hear you are back in the land of Texas. LOVED! seeing you....as any adoring fan would :) I was in awe......but then again who wouldn't be!!
Thank you so much for marrying my son Joey and his beautiful bride Erin.....you are the ONLY one who could have performed the ceremony for them.
Posted on 7/26/2006
Susanne, don't get me wrong, I love sweet tea! It's Micky D's sweet tea that has me weirded out. It's just. not. right.
And yes, Tennessee is a very beautiful state once you get past Memphis. It's like a swimsuit model that only appears in magazines from the neck down because her body is smokin' and her face looks like mine.
And Taiter, thanks for stopping by! It was lovely to see you and a pleasure to marry your kid.
Posted on 7/26/2006
Ha! This is a great entry, Cach. But too much to comment on in one comment (not that it's gonna stop me from trying anyway).
First, about Memphis -- it's the freaking armpit of Tennessee. It's God-forsaken and stenchy. ("Why don't you tell us how you really feel?")
I can make it across Tennessee in under two hours, Cach. You did it wrong. You should drive north-south, and not east-west. :-)
Besides, Tennessee is full now. There is no more room here for anyone else. Those of us stuck here will just have to suffer alone. Everyone else should look elsewhere for a place to live. (Yes, I love it here)
I wish I could have visited with you when you passed through here, but I get the distinct impression that you were quite short on time, and needed to make it as quickly as possible both ways. Maybe you and Beeki will find yourselves this way again, then we'll hang out. :-)
By the way, Texas is still way bigger than Tennessee. I have made the drive from Texas to California several times, and if you start in Houston and drive to L.A., approximately 50% of the trip is spent in Texas. I'm not kidding, look at a map (also, interesting useless factoid -- Reno Nevada is west of L.A. -- again, look at the map).
Regarding the sweet tea -- I grew up drinking it a lot in Houston, and had pretty much forgotten about it in California. They don't have it out there for some reason (at least not where I was). But when we came to Tennessee, there it was again. So I consume it occasionally, careful not to overdo it, because I could easily drink a gallon a day without self-control. Mmmmm. Sweet tea.
And I'm sort of a big anti-McDonald's type person myself, but some of my other family members occasionally want to go there, so I've learned that their salads are surprisingly good. I especially like the Caesar with the grilled chicken on top. It's hard to believe that it comes from McD's.
Posted on 7/26/2006
Wow. You're a good friend!
Posted on 7/26/2006
Cach - Sorry, one more thing. That video is so hilarious. You really have a gift for that.
I'd love to see some big rich corporation pay to send you and Beeki around the country with a video camera, to make your witty and humorous observations about things along the way. I think it would be the surprise hit of the summer! :-)
Posted on 7/26/2006
Thanks, Hammer! Of course, it might have gotten an 'R' rating while I was in Memphis...
Posted on 7/27/2006
I guess I see your point about McD's and sweet tea. You pretty much have to have a soft drink when you have a Big Mac meal (maybe the carbonation helps dissolve the grease??).
Posted on 7/27/2006
Okay. I am completely convinced that you are just plain silly. While trying to contain my laughter during "On The Road Again" I let loose and spit all over my computer screen. Thanks!
Posted on 7/27/2006
Had a great time seeing you! I hope you've recovered from your drive and learned an important lesson. I found it amuzing you left out WHY you had to drive to Virginia and back...
Posted on 7/27/2006
Doody, I don't know what you're talking about. You hush your dirty mouth.
Posted on 7/27/2006
You asked for it, Lauren...
Posted on 7/30/2006