So, How's Married Life?

Posted by Anonymous On 1:41 AM

It may be the single dumbest question you can ask a newlywed.

I ran in to two of my friends tonight who I haven't seen since their wedding over the holidays. And the first thing that ran through my mind to ask them was, "So, how's married life?" I didn't really mean it, but it's just that... well... that's what you say to newly married people!

I remember the first few months after my wedding. That's what everyone asked me and Beeki. "So, how's married life?" It's almost as dumb as asking the couple on the wedding day, "So, are you excited?"

"No! (Raising arm, sniffing, and pointing at armpit) Can't you smell the fear?!?!"

So in those first few months after my wedding, I made a game of coming up with the best comebacks to the stupidest of all questions to the newly-wed:

"How's married life?"

- "Harder than I thought... but my second wife is going to be very happy with all the good work Beeki is putting in on me."

- "All sex all the time, baby! Woo hoo! (Raises had to receive high-five.)

- "Well... we found out she wasn't pregnant... but at least my dad doesn't think I'm gay anymore."

- "Sober. Unfortunately."

- "(Raising arm, sniffing, and pointing at armpit) Can't you smell the fear?!?!

- "So far, it's long enough for me to collect on the bets her brothers made."

- "Well, she hasn't left me yet... but all the threats keep me on my toes."

- "Her Green Card already arrived. But I've been enjoying all the cooking and sex, so I hid it."


So next time you run into a newly-married couple, ask them something useful like whether he snores or how much she farts in bed.

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10 Cachinnations

  1. Meg Said,

    The third one is my favorite

    Posted on 1/11/2007

     
  2. Anonymous Said,

    Yeah, I think that one might be my favorite too. I'll tell you, though, my great aunt wasn't very amused by it. Then again, she's always thought I was a bit off.

    Posted on 1/11/2007

     
  3. Anonymous Said,

    That is one GREAT wedding photo you posted. Especially of the good looking Mexican gal in the background. And, too bad your head's too big to see the good looking man with her behind you...
    oh, and i'm still mad at you. so there.

    Posted on 1/11/2007

     
  4. Meg Said,

    Yeah, it's an annoying question kinda like the dating questions I tend to get from relatives and the responses I'd love to give.

    "So have you met someone over there?"

    "Well, all of the men in my program are married, but hey, if you're o.k. with that, then. . . ."

    Posted on 1/11/2007

     
  5. Anonymous Said,

    I don't know who let that dirty Mexican into our wedding. What part of "No Dirty Mexicans" on the wedding invitation did she miss??? And coincidentally, I believe the man behind my well-proportioned head is hiding so as not to be associated with said dirty Mexican.

    Meg, you may also try:

    "Yep. Ever since I started putting out, I have to beat the men off with a stick!"

    Posted on 1/11/2007

     
  6. Seth Ward Said,

    Beeki farts in bed???!!!!!

    Posted on 1/11/2007

     
  7. Sarah Said,

    Maybe we should come up with some alternative questions to ask instead of "how's married life?".

    Posted on 1/12/2007

     
  8. Anonymous Said,

    I'm open to suggestions...

    Posted on 1/12/2007

     
  9. Seth Ward Said,

    Stage fright?

    Posted on 1/13/2007

     
  10. Anonymous Said,

    Niiiiiiiiice...

    Posted on 1/13/2007