My wife shared something truly disturbing with me on Easter Sunday. I'll briefly set the scene: We're driving to the church; everything is peaceful. As we round a corner, I say, "Shoot..." because I see a grocery bag blowing directly into my path on the road and there are cars on my left and right. I had to run over the bag. Beki gasps slightly. Now I'm thinking, "It's okay, we just may be dragging a bag for a few feet." But apparently she's thinking, "There's a baby in that bag!" I give her a quizzical look to explain the little gasp and she tells me that her Drivers Ed. teacher told the class to be careful about anything on the road because it may have a baby in it.
Many things go through my head at this point. Did other teachers at her high school drink on the job? How many other students are messed up by that thought now? Shouldn't the fact that the bag blew into our path dispel the thought that there was a baby in it? Fortunately, I have already learned the secret of marriage: Shut up. (Well, that and put the seat down.)
I came home and Googled every combination I could think of to find out if there's any validity to this fear: "baby, bag, road, left on, highway, run over, etc..." Nothing. But now at least I know that intentionally driving at bags in the road while imitating a baby crying while my wife is in the car is at the very least unwise.
10 Cachinnations
Wow...you already know about SHUT UP and PUT THE SEAT DOWN? Your marriage will definitely go the distance!!!
Posted on 4/21/2006
Yeah, but I was completely unaware of "DON'T HIT THE BAG IN THE ROAD BECAUSE IT MAY CONTAIN A BABY." So I'm only almost the perfect husband.
Posted on 4/21/2006
Maybe it was a very LIGHT baby.
Baby killer!
Posted on 4/21/2006
Almost Perfect???? Bold Statement...At least you let her fall asleep on the couch before actually going to bed.
I think she's run over me so many times in MarioKart that she wouldn't be affected in the least by running over a bag in the road.
Posted on 4/21/2006
Shhhhhhh, baby... it's okay... Go to your happy place... shhhhhh...
Posted on 4/21/2006
What? Who are you to judge Beeki? I know I do my part of controlling the population by running over Babies. Yes. Any baby in the road gets what it deserves.
Posted on 4/22/2006
For some reason this story made me think of Raising Arizona.
You know, if you just do a little patient aiming then you never have to worry about that toilet lid.
Posted on 4/23/2006
Okay, that is just weird, because I not only do the same thing (avoid running over bags/boxes, for fear they might contain discarded babies), I also actively look for any telltale baby parts sticking out of all roadway debris. Although no driver's ed teacher ever told me to. I just do.
Also, when I go on walks, I'm constantly scanning the bushes for dead bodies.
Posted on 4/23/2006
Uhhh... A-dub? I think I speak for all of us when I say that I've only got three words for you: Twelve Step Program.
Posted on 4/25/2006
Something tells me this topic requires more exploring... stay tuned.
Posted on 4/25/2006