What do you do when you have someone reading and commenting on your blog and you're sick of them and want them to go away? (Now before you go all Duke Lacrosse on me, loyal Cachinnatees, I couldn't possibly be talking about any of you. If any of you were likely to be a nuissance, it would be Boscoe, and we all know that. But we all had that secret meeting where we decided to put up with him no matter what... well, if you were there, you remember. So I'm not talking about any of the readers or commenters on this blog.)
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. What do you do if someone is blog stalking you? What if you picked up said psycho hose beast through no fault of your own? Maybe this person started with small nitpicky idiocies, but has now moved on to foolish domination? What if this person is now making ridiculous comments that are so inane that they steer the course of a 'comment' discussion into areas so stupid that it makes your head explode? Do you indulge and even nurse this tendency for the sake of ettiquette?
What is the blog protocol? Can you just delete their comment? No, of course not. You don't want that. People would stop commenting and accuse you of censorship and running roughshod over a discussion that is purportedly free and open. Do you publicly humiliate them? (After all, you don't really know this person...) Again, the answer is no. The goal is not to stifle, but encourage thoughtful discussion! So what to do?
May I suggest the employment of a Blog Assassin? You may ask, "What is this Blog Assassin I keep hearing so much about?" Well, I'm glad you asked. A Blog Assasin is a third party employed by a Blog Administrator for the purpose of driving away the unwanted commentor. This Blog Assassin, (or blogass for short), monitors for a while, seeking the unwanted commentor's, (or unwancom for short), weaknesses. Once the weaknesses are spotted, the blogass begins to make outrageously offensive comments to the unwancom. The blogass will disagree vehemently with everything the unwancom says. The blogass is sneaky and merely seems disagreeable to everyone else, but to the unwancom, it might just be the tipping point that sends them to other blogs that require less thought before commenting.
This post marks a new era. Welcome to the age of bloguerilla warfare.
And for the record, including this sentence, the word 'ass' appears 13 times in this post. According to my math, that means I'm due a good 195 comments.
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17 Cachinnations
I'm obviously kidding. If you get it, you get it. If not... read something from the archives!
Posted on 4/26/2006
Bloguerilla warfare...nice! You're so cutting edge. The blogosphere has never felt so "now" as it does right now, thanks to you.
Posted on 4/26/2006
I wanna be a blogass
I wanna be a blogass
I wanna be a blogass!!!
I think it would be fun...i can vehamently disagree with anyone!! I'm already a heretic...all I need now is an add in the Thrifty Nickel and a cool code name...and an arch nemisis...
Posted on 4/27/2006
Oh...and I heard about that secret meeting....you guys should know that I have spies everywhere...i'm like the Godfather....you can call me Don Boscoe!!
Posted on 4/27/2006
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Posted on 4/27/2006
See Now it's official!!
Posted on 4/27/2006
That's awesome. I can totally hear the little mandolin playing your theme music in the background.
Posted on 4/27/2006
Hey man,
I view my blog as just that MY blog. There is freedom of speech so long as someone doesn't cross the line.
However, the blogass sounds more fun than just plain old deleting people's dumb comments.
Posted on 4/27/2006
Like I said, this whole thing is a bit of a joke. The situation that gave rise to the post had nothing to do with offensive comments at all; merely inane ones. And not even on my blog. Cachinnation Central is an inanity-free zone as of right now. (Again, except for Boscoe - I mean Don Boscoe...)
Therefore, we wholeheartedly endorse the blogass solution.
Posted on 4/27/2006
How come I wasn't invited to this meeting?!...I mean I problably couldn't have come since I've been so busy painting a huge masterpice that you can now view on my blog, but I still would have appreicated an INVITE!!
Posted on 4/27/2006
btw - is this an example of an inane comment:
so why did the chicken cross the road?
Posted on 4/27/2006
No, that's an example of an inane post... unlike your current offerings! Well done, Q3!
Posted on 4/27/2006
Boscoe made me an Offer I couldn't refuse. Tonight Bert and Ernie sleep with the fishes!
Posted on 4/28/2006
Bastard!
Posted on 4/28/2006
Hilarious post. Hilarious comments. I'll just keep waiting for more Catchinatees to make me laugh. Geez Cach, now everyone has to have the best comment ever before they comment on your blog, for fear of being hunted down and destroyed, humiliated, rejected, outcast! for only trying, giving it their best shot, needing a friend, reaching out, longing for blog acceptance...
Posted on 4/28/2006
Fancy, dare I ask..., does this qualify as blogalogue? This blogalicious banter? This bloggy reparte? Is this the famed... blogalogue?
Posted on 4/28/2006
Blogalogue at its best!
I think it might be the time to begin a Blogtionary, thus far including the following words:
1. blogalogue, n.
2. bloguerilla (nice one, I might add), adj.
3. blogass (even nicer), n.
4. blogalicious, adj.
5. bloggy, adj.
6. unwancom, n. (just barely made it in)
7. blogosphere, n. (Way to go, Tracy!)
Sweet blogmares, everyone. G'night.
Posted on 4/29/2006