Crackhead Dreams

Posted by Anonymous On 4:58 AM

Many of you have remarked over time, "My that Cachinnator is an odd fellow." I do not deny it. I would, however, simply attempt to put myself in context. I didn't just appear here on Earth, after all. I have strange parents! Now, I've already introduced you to my father, but I think it is high time that you met my mother.

We lovingly refer to my mother as Crackhead, Crazy Lady, Judy, and other affectionate terms. (For those of you paying attention, yes, I did recently refer to my sister as Crackhead. Like I said, it's a term of endearment that we spread around in the family. Sister calls me Crackhead too. But we both acknowledge that the source of Crackhead-ness is Mom.) She was born and raised in Wacko, so... you know. She's the best mom you could ever want. And she's nuts.

Now, when I say she's nuts, I don't just mean that she likes to sing a song called, "Ta Tatinkypot" to her little dog every day - (she does.) I don't just mean that she refers to 'Zoolander' as 'Zinfindel' - (she does.) I don't just mean that she can't remember 'Sponge Bob Square Pants,' so she calls him 'Square Bob Peg Shorts.' (Also true.) I don't just mean that when she wanted to borrow the book 'Eats, Shoots, and Leaves,' she asked for 'Eats, Chews, and Spits.' (Yes... also true.) And I don't just mean that she has a penchant for singing Vegas-style karaoke at family weddings. (Well... see for yourself:)



No... the best part of my nutty Mom is her dreams. Had she been alive one hundred years ago, the face of modern psychotherapy would be vastly different. If Sigmund Frued had my mother to study... who knows what we would think of the human brain today. I'm not kidding, this woman is capable of some of the most bizzare and hilarious dreams you've ever heard. And I figure, why keep the fun all to myself? So I will be updating from time to time here whenever she tells me one of her crack-smoking dreams.

Here's the most recent:

Emmitt Smith asked her to move his pink pickup truck. And she got an 'F' in science because she never went to class.

Again, you all only wish you were so blessed as to have such a wonderful and loving mother. And you also wish you had such a good source of comedy so close to home!

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13 Cachinnations

  1. Meg Said,

    sounds about like the dreams I have

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  2. Chaotic Hammer Said,

    They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

    Clearly, that can be a very good thing.

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  3. Red Said,

    Ah mama B - I do love her. I don't think my high school experience would have been the same without her and the other crazy moms, mine included that we all came to love)... Her extreme school spirit and the sheer entertainment she provided on long bus drives make her rate very high on my favorite crazy people list. :)

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  4. Moderator Said,

    Don't do crack, it's a ghetto drug.

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  5. Tracy Said,

    You're the third blogger I've read today that's had a "dream" post. Your mom sounds like a fun lady. I'd like to meet that Crackhead the next time I come to town. Am I allowed to call her a crackhead, too? Or is that just reserved for family members?

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  6. Anonymous Said,

    No, no, everyone may feel free to call her Crackhead. Her other nicknames include Red Umbrella, Mr. Pusey, Rice Krispy Treats, Old Lady, Mutant Bunny Fu Fu. So Crackhead is definitely acceptable.

    My Mom rules.

    By the way, she just told me about another recent dream. Give me a few days. It's awesome.

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  7. Fork Said,

    I love Mrs. B. And you can tell her I said so!

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  8. Chaotic Hammer Said,

    You know, if you look really close at the picture, the guys in the white and yellow shirts look like they're really checkin' out your Mom.

    Maybe you ought to show this to your Dad, so he can open up a can of Whoop-Ass on 'em.

    I'm just sayin'.

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  9. Anonymous Said,

    Those two perverts are better known as Aqua Velva and Gray-ham. They don't want to cross me, let alone The Colonel. I'll see that they are properly reported.

    Posted on 11/02/2006

     
  10. Seth Ward Said,

    Looks like you inherited a few of those crazy crackhead creative genes mein freund.

    ich haben sie svezzel sveinen geschmichten shkalachensie!!!

    Posted on 11/03/2006

     
  11. The Cliff Said,

    inherited a few?? A few?? He's the male version of Crackhead only 20 years younger!! He's just as insane as she is...The Colonel is the only normal on in the family!!

    Posted on 11/03/2006

     
  12. AmberO at Sleeping is for Sissies Said,

    Yes, that picture disturbed me as well. Dudes, that's his mom!

    Posted on 11/03/2006

     
  13. Sarah Said,

    Glad I'm not the only one with a "crackhead" in my family. However, my sister literally cracked the side of her head when she was 2. She's completely unpredictable and her sense of humor unmatched.

    Posted on 11/03/2006