The Self-Checkout Lane

Posted by Anonymous On 1:57 AM

Don't get me wrong, I think the self-checkout stations that many grocery stores have added within the past few years are a wonderful example of technology being democratized to make our lives a little better. They allow you to skip the long lines and take care of something yourself, when you're ready, in a fraction of the time it takes others in the checked lines. Let's say you only need a half-gallon of milk, a candle, and a chocolate bar. Should you really have to wait in a line with three people in it for 10 minutes when you could check through, pay, and be out the door before the next person in front of you was even to the checker? Of course you shouldn't! So head to the self-checkout! In and out in mere seconds...

... Or at least it's supposed to work that way. Tell me why, every frickin' time I get in one of those lanes, all of the checkout stations are occupied by morons and ancient people! Can they not spare one employee to be the moron police? Sure, it's profiling, and I know we're all supposed to say that profiling is bad, but in this case I make a huge exception. Can we not agree on some of these things? Can we not agree on some general stereotypes of people who are likely to be unable to figure out a job most frequently given to sixteen-year-olds who can't name the Vice President or find China on a map? Isn't it possible to eliminate most of the people who are most likely to be mystified by the "scan a bar code, put it in a bag" process? I think we can.

Here is a list of the people who should be summarily banned from even entering the self-checkout line. Banned are people who:

- Are over the age of 50
- Are wearing camouflage
- Have a neck tattoo
- Have a Confederate flag of any kind on their person
- Have more than two children with them (No offense, parents, it's just that going to the supermarket with two children is an exercise diametrically opposed to getting in and out with any speed. I feel for you, really. Maybe you should get your own checkout line where everything is electrified so you don't have to worry about your kids keeping their hands to themselves.)
- Have their children holding their 40s for them in line (actually saw that one the other day)
- Can't count to the maximum of 10 items
- Are buying Diet Coke and a bag of Oreos or Bluebell and diet pills

Agreed?

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16 Cachinnations

  1. Anonymous Said,

    Let me just say that I totally agree with you about the children thing...
    I tried it ONE time with two items and two kids...NEVER AGAIN!
    Why is it that everytime you try to do something easy and quick children have to turn into little demons??
    BUT..the over 50 thing bugs me a little bit. My mother is totally capable of scanning things and putting them in a bag quickly and efficiently. I understand the age limit thing, but 50 seems a bit young to me.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  2. Red Said,

    I agree...50 seems young. I think the age limit should be increased to 70ish. Perhaps there should be a test to see if you CAN operate the machines before you are allowed to. Like a driving test designed to weed out those that will put a hiccup in the system. Then you'd have to scan a license of sort to even get in line. Thoughts?

    I have to say in my self-checkout line experiences that alot of the machines just plain suck. There seems to be a flaw in the bagging process with the weighing of items. Often I'll have to take out and replace the same half gallon of milk several times until the machine finally demands associate assistance. All the while this designated associated is sitting reading People magazine, completely inattentive to the situation. Customer Service at it's best...

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  3. Jenn Said,

    Those check out machines are EVIL!!! I HATE THEM. No, really, I hate them. They don't work for me and I eyeball my 18 carton of eggs wondering if frustration will force me to use a couple on the machine.

    Besides, I'm doing a job that a LIVE WARM BODY could be paid to do. Those machines should be banned in places where the unemployment rate is more than 3%...oh, that would be everywhere!

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  4. Jenn Said,

    By the way, neck tattoo I can understand but those machines always work fine for Mr. Coffee, aka Mr. Camouflage. It's not fair.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  5. Jenn Said,

    oh, and I'm not whining.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  6. Jenn Said,

    and this is how I would look if I were quadruplets.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  7. Cb22 Said,

    Include in that list me... I can't handle the self checkout lines at wal-mart.

    I can write papers, read Voltaire, Derrida... I can't use the freaking self checkout thingy... I'm hardly a viable human being...

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  8. Anonymous Said,

    Aren't these things supposed to make our lives easier? Yet they seem to stress everyone out...

    As for the over 50 thing, hey, we're sterotyping here. There was no pretense of fairness. That's profiling. I say kick out the over 50s. Not because all of them can't do it, but just because they are suspect enough as a group to kick them out and clear up the lanes for those of us able to use them as a convenience.

    And Emma, a Marine wearing camouflage is one thing... a sloppy bubba doing a beer run who thinks camouflage is a fashion statement is another. Banned.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  9. Sarah Said,

    I love them except when I'm waiting behind people who are too old to be driving are using them or worse yet, the mother of four whose cart is overflowing and children are running into the street while she's trying to check out. Okay people, there are people who can help your situation much faster so you can chase your rugrats while I ring up and pay for my half gallon of milk and half dozen eggs in less than a minute so I can get home in time to watch Grey's Anatomy. Yes, those machines were made for selfish singles like me.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  10. AmberO at Sleeping is for Sissies Said,

    I don't think it's the people. I think it's the machines. (Particularly at a certain home-improvement store which for the sake of anonymity I will refer to only as "Dome Creepo.") Those things are stupid, never work properly, and are designed to make your face turn purple with rage. I'm pretty sure there's a hidden camera in there and the store managers sit in the back drinking beer and laughing.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  11. Papa Steve Said,

    I am going to have to go along with you needing to up your age limit a little bit. Seeing as I am closing in on the cut-off age, I have absolutely no problem with the machine AND my kid is old enough to go in and buy my 40's for me while I wait in the car.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  12. Anonymous Said,

    I love Steve. How about this: the 50 year old cutoff starts now and moves up? So next year it will be people 51 and older, the next year 52 and older, and so on. Like I said, it's stereotyping, it's not meant to be fair; it's meant to save me time in the self-checkout lane.

    Posted on 10/31/2006

     
  13. The Cliff Said,

    Why don't we just have a special lane for selfish people like Cach and Sarah? Or better yet, a whole store so they don't have to interact with anyone while buying generic eggs and half gallons of soy juice (it should never be called soy milk because it doesn't come from an animal!!). Or better yet, to suit their self-centered, 'i hate people' attitudes, we should get the camo-clad bubba to be their butler, then they never have to go into society at all. they can stay in their houses where no human will come in contact with them and they will never be inconvenienced at all!

    Posted on 11/01/2006

     
  14. Framed Said,

    Hey, I'm over 50 and I can use the self-checkout. It's not my fault the machine can sense my age and turns against me. I have learned to only use it when I am buying heavy things. Nothings slows you down so much as being told to put your pack of needles in the bag before scanning another item. Next time I am sitting on the scales so it will know something has been put in the sack. Oh wait, I'm over 50, so there will be no next time.

    Posted on 11/03/2006

     
  15. Dr. T Said,

    I am fortunate enough to live down the street from the World's Greatest Grocery Store, where not only have they placed a staffer to supervise all self-checkout, they have managed to calibrate the machines so that the "weight" issue that makes the machine accuse of stealing thing doesn't happen. They also always have like seven lanes open and the staff is courteous.

    All of this makes me think it's all a cleverly disguised front for illegal gambling, a meth lab, or some secret government enterprise. Too good to be true.

    It is freaky though how well this one store runs the self-checkout - I'm actually dissapointed when I have too many items to use it.

    goibbsum - Slang for "go get some" - i.e. - Do you want me to get you a forty, mommy? Yeah, Go-ibb-sum for me.

    Posted on 11/03/2006

     
  16. Kristi Said,

    Was that you behind me in the self checkout lane when I was fumbling around trying to shove my $5 bill into the damn mechanism that wouldn't accept it all because I forgot to push the screen telling it which method I was paying with?
    I'm glad to be your inspiration in any case. But really, I'm thinking that if that machine is so smart then it should have recognized I was trying to pay with cash at the very moment I stuck my money in. Stupid technology.

    Posted on 11/03/2006