Kryptonite

Posted by Anonymous On 12:42 AM

Cachinnatees... as many of you know, I'm fat. This is not a surprising revelation, I've known this for some time. I got here one bite at a time over the past few years. I used to be skinny and in shape and... well... let's face it: hot. But then came grad school and a full-time job that I mostly spend behind a desk. The sedentary lifestyle does not suit me. But as I say, I've recognized what's going on and admitted I have a problem.

A while ago, I even tried to shame myself into progress by sharing the misadventures with all of you. Well that effort ultimately failed. I was working away from a negative instead of towards a positive and it didn't work for me. Alas.

But... I am proud to report that so far this year, things are going better for me. I've been hesitant to say anything about it because I've been going for substance over hype with this attempt to reshape my life. So far this year, I've lost 18 lbs. I've got 12 to go before I'll feel any sense of accomplishment. But I know that 18 lbs. is good. I've been working out and I can already really feel a difference. I'm getting back on track with the running now that my flesh-eating poison oak rash is clearing up. I've given up caffeine and almost given up soda altogether. I'm making better choices with food with respect to both quality and quantity. Things are going well.

But along the way, I've identified two substances to which I have absolutely no power to conquer. These are my own personal kryptonite. I'm banning them from my life because there is no moderation with these two evils. I can't just nibble; I gorge. It's not pretty. What are these vicious temptations? Cheetos and Samoas. That's right. (For those of you not from... well... Earth, Samoas are the most delicioustest Girl Scout cookies ever made. They are also the nutritional equivalant of a ten car pile-up. Seriously... if you've never read the "nutritional" information on the side of a box of Girl Scout cookies, then don't do it now. Trust me, you're much happier not knowing how bad those things are for you.) I lose all self-control around them. I could be one pound away from my goal, and if I were presented with a table full of Cheetos and Samoas, I'd blow it all right there without hesitation.

So it's up to you. If you associate with me, keep them away from me. I'm a weak weak chubby man.

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21 Cachinnations

  1. Anonymous Said,

    Congratulations! 18 pounds! That's great.

    I suppose it's helpful, though, that Samoas are only available for a limited time during the year...

    They're my favorite cookie too.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  2. FancyPants Said,

    Oh man, the Simoas. And Cheetos! I'm with you. Run far far away.

    Cach, that's really awesome. Good job, friend.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  3. Red Said,

    Don't wait for the next 12lbs to rejoice...rejoice in each accomplishment. Every 10lbs get excited!

    Woohoo! Keep up the discipline, and forget those Girl Scout cookies. They'll be gone soon enough. ;)

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  4. The Cliff Said,

    If you happen to find a case of Samoas and about 30 bags of cheetos spread around your office...I didn't do it!!

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  5. Anonymous Said,

    Boscoe = Bastard.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  6. Chaotic Hammer Said,

    Great job, Cach.

    You really have hit upon an important bit of wisdom with the complete avoidance of certain things. My wife won't even bring most snacks and goodies into the house, because availablity is 9/10ths of the battle. Meaning -- when you're sitting around bored one day, and get the munchies, it's best to look through all the cabinets and pantries and find nothing, and feel a little disappointed, than it is to find a bag of chips or Cheetos, or a box of cookies, or whatever.

    I have a old friend who has always been skinny and never had problems with weight, but everyone sort of gives him a hard time because he refuses to eat donuts. All donuts, ever. He told me that he loves donuts, and if he ate one, it would be like an alcoholic falling off the wagon. So he has self-control, and the kryptonite is avoided.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  7. Seth Ward Said,

    I think we were maternal twins separated at birth.

    If those two things are in my presecne they will be eaten, stolen, or bought. I gained 20 pounds my sophomore year eating bags of cheeots and mountain dews all day.

    Bigtime congrats on the loosing the 18. When you turn 30 or the further you get in your 30's you are oh so thankful for every pound lost in the 20's. At about 30 weigth loss goes in slow motion.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  8. Fork Said,

    I say you celebrate your success by going nuts. Eat as many cheetos and Samoans as you can fit in your stomach!

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  9. Tracy Said,

    18 pounds is definitely something to be proud of...real progress, Cach!!!

    I totally agree about the Samoas. Last year at this time, I wrote my own ode to the greatest cookie on earth.

    http://starshinereport.blogspot.com/2006/03/imagine.html

    Last week at the grocery store, I saw some girl scouts selling said greatest cookie, and I literally had to look away!

    Hang in there, and keep up the good work!

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  10. Anonymous Said,

    Forky = Bastard also.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  11. Queen, III Said,

    You've lost almost 2 Tarajis!!! Congratuations!!!

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  12. Seth Ward Said,

    Ha! Can you tell I slept through biology?

    Fraternal.

    However skinny the Cachmeister might be,
    He shall never be as handsome as me.
    fa la la la la... la la la laaaa.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  13. Anonymous Said,

    I think I'll put out my own workout video series: "Cachinnating to the Oldies." But instead of Oldies, all the music will be 80's New Wave. But "Cachinnating to the 80's New Wave" doesn't really market well. So we'll call it "Cachinnating to the Oldies" and it'll all be really ironic. That'll rule.

    Posted on 3/20/2007

     
  14. Sarah Said,

    How about Cachinnating to Old School?

    Oh, and don't you worry. The Jaeger will catch up with Boscoe some day and you will laugh.

    Magic word: yoqrt--sounds an awful lot like a diet food that will never be as fun to eat as Samoas.

    Posted on 3/21/2007

     
  15. Red Said,

    I would buy a copy of "Cachinnating to the Oldies". (as long as it was in fact 80s music). That would rock!

    Posted on 3/21/2007

     
  16. Meg Said,

    Ahhh samoas are so good, but we call them caramel delights where I am from. If you would like to add some jewels to your crown and subsequently remove the temptation from your midst, feel free to send those beautiful delights my way!

    Oh and if you did a Cachinating to the Oldies series, I would definitey buy it. I got one of Richard Simmons' from a garage sale once and had the funniest time trying it out with a roommate until I turned around and saw that Elizabeth Ashley had been watching us and dying laughing for about 10 mins. That ended our Sweatin' parties really quickly

    Posted on 3/21/2007

     
  17. Anonymous Said,

    Yeah, I heard that Samoas were called Caramel Delights in some places. What? Is 'Samoas' racist or something? If I were Samoan, I would consider a cookie of that caliber a symbol of national pride. Those are the kinds of cookies that could rally a nation. I'd totally get a big Samoa cookie tattoo on my back and ask my friends to call me Big Cookie. I bet that cookie could shake off centuries of humiliation and domination by the imperial white man.

    Too much?

    Posted on 3/21/2007

     
  18. JLR Said,

    I came here from emma sometimes. Samoas (a/k/a "caramel delights," depending on which Girl Scout bakery the troop gets their cookies from) are also my downfall. If I order 5 boxes, I will eat them as soon as I get them. If I order 10 boxes . . . same thing. They don't last out the day in my house.

    Posted on 3/21/2007

     
  19. Seth Ward Said,

    btw, thats 3 and a half bags of sugar that you no longer carry.

    Posted on 3/22/2007

     
  20. Seth Ward Said,

    would like to add chili's fries to my personal kryptonite list.

    Posted on 3/22/2007

     
  21. Susanne Said,

    Have you seen the Samoa ice cream?
    http://www.edys.com/brand/Grand/flavor.asp?b=134&f=1644
    My weakness is the thin mints. They're especially yummy if you refrigerate them. Congrats on the 18 lbs! I have 15 more to lose myself.

    Posted on 3/23/2007