Pepper Spray

Posted by Anonymous On 3:55 AM

I so badly wish I had a picture of this to go along with the story, but you'll just have to use your imaginations:

So the other day I was picking up donuts for the crew that was loading a show into my theater. While in line, the tallest woman I've ever seen came into the store and stood next to me. She had to be a basketball player. She wasn't gangly or gawky, she was about 6'5" and built strong. As my mind is wont to do, I began imagining who she was and what her life was like. She had on a high school athletic t-shirt, so I surmised that she was a coach somewhere. Then I wondered how big her hands were, so I glanced at mine for comparison's sake and then looked at hers. That's when I noticed her keychain that was in her hand. Among the many keys was a cannister of pepper spray.

Now... I know that anyone can be attacked anywhere at anytime. And that any woman could be a victim of violence... but... really? If I'm an attacker looking for prey... I might be tempted to choose anyone but this chick. I have no doubt in my mind that she could have ended me without breaking a sweat. What do you think? Maybe the ginormous woman doesn't really need the pepper spray? I'd have loved to see her with a Bowie knife, myself. This is Texas, after all.

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6 Cachinnations

  1. Seth Ward Said,

    I'll never forget jogging on the bear trail one sunny saturday afternoon when there was this ... beauty-challenged young lady wearing her Church-of-Christ-issue jogging clothes plodding along with absolute fear in her eyes. It was broad daylight, the bear trail was packed, cars out everywhere and when any male would come her way she would clutch her pepper spray as if she was going to get raped and stabbed by every young buck who flew by her, never even tossing her so much as a glance or stray sweat-bead.

    It almost looked like wishful thinking.

    Of course the Basket ball player could have been carrying it for different reasons. Maybe she knows some chick from NASA.

    Posted on 3/17/2007

     
  2. Anonymous Said,

    See... I still think that it's all overkill beyond having a big Bowie knife strapped to her hip. If anyone was even thinking about messing with her before that... seriously... she was HUGE!

    Posted on 3/17/2007

     
  3. FancyPants Said,

    Maybe she ran away from the circus and the pepper spray was how she got away.

    Posted on 3/17/2007

     
  4. FancyPants Said,

    Was that uncalled for? You have my permission to delete.

    Posted on 3/17/2007

     
  5. The Cliff Said,

    Seeing as how most people (even the tiniest girls) can break you without breaking a sweat, I'm not sure this girl breaking you would be a stretch of any sort...

    but you're right, a bowie knife would have been awesome

    Posted on 3/18/2007

     
  6. Moderator Said,

    Whoa. Sounds like the type that would try and dunk me.

    Posted on 3/19/2007