Going Genesis

Posted by Anonymous On 11:11 AM

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, your humble neighborhood Cachinnator, fulfilled Scriptural prophesy this weekend. Allow me to explain:

On Saturday I was preparing to go running. I went out front and was lightly stretching when my neighbor across the street, Mrs. T, asked if I'd seen our other neighbor two doors down. I said I hadn't and she pointed out that said neighbor's two little poodle-ish dogs were loose in the front yard. We went over to investigate and didn't see the neighbor's car in front. So Mrs. T went to one side of the house and I went to the other to see if we could figure out how the dogs got out. After looking at the gate and determining that they didn't get out that way, I was walking back across the lawn to meet up with Mrs. T when I had to stop my foot inches above the ground from stepping on a big fat snake.



So I went around ol' snakey and told Mrs. T to get the little dogs in the backyard behind the fence immediately. I explained about the snake. She went for a big shovel and I went for my camera.

Now, being a Boy Scout growing up, I quickly identified the reptile in question as a Texas Rat Snake. This particular variety of serpent is non-poisonous but highly aggressive. Many herpetologists actually refer to its disposition as, "nasty." So I was faced with an ethical dilemma: either violate my pacifistic instincts and kill it, or try to capture/move it elsewhere. Having to make a decision quickly, I decided that one does not engage in diplomacy with snakes, and the missing neighbor might not appreciate finding this particular snake in her home should I leave it be.

So I picked up the enormous shovel and fulfilled the prophesy set forth in Genesis 3:14-15.

14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this,
"Cursed are you above all the livestock
and all the wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.

15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and hers;
he will crush your head,
and you will strike his heel."

(Heel... shovel... whatever.)



I, of course, gave him a burial fitting his valiant life.

(Beeki... don't look in the outside trash can.)

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10 Cachinnations

  1. Anonymous Said,

    Okay... I lied about something.

    Being a Boy Scout didn't help me in the slightest. I identified the snake through pictures later. So, in defense of my ethical dilemma, at the time I went Genesis on him I didn't know whether or not he was poisonous. I might have been saving the neighborhood at the time.

    Just call me Rikki-Tikki-Cacchi.

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  2. Seth Ward Said,

    Dang that's some good eatin right thar! Yeee dawgies! Just make sure he ain't had a rat to eat in a few days. That gives him a kinda bitter after-taste and some nasty, hot burps.

    You gonn make sum boots with him Rikki?

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  3. euphrony Said,

    We had a herpetologist from the Houston Zoo at our work a couple of years ago, giving us safety tips on dealing with snakes. Very interesting. Apparently, the year before (2004) there were seven poisonous snake bites in the Houston / Harris county area. Five of these were children who didn't know better, one of the adults was a drunk 20-something male. Six of the snakes were coral snakes, and the seventh a king cobra (stupid guys pet).

    There are also more native snake species in Harris county than in all of New England.

    Only one person has died as a result of a snake bite in Texas in the last decade. And he didn't die from the snake venom, but from an allergic reaction to the anti-venom (that's really sad). Most often, the anti-venom is not worthwhile and doctors simply treat the symptoms. There are, apparently, only two FDA approved anti-venoms (thus the only two found in hospitals) and these are not good for many non-native snakes. So herpetologists who deal with a variety of snakes often don't have an anti-venom available, anyway.

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  4. Anonymous Said,

    I've found that the best anti-venom is staying a shovel-length away and swinging hard and fast.

    Like I said, I'm a peaceful person, I don't like killing, and I would rather not harm a living creature, but you don't engage in diplomacy with big fat snakes.

    Ultimately, I'm not sure that knowing it was non-poisonous would have changed my actions. Those Texas Rat Snakes are nasty and I don't have the training to handle it. So out came Rikki-Tikki-Cacchi.

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  5. Anonymous Said,

    Agh!!!!!
    I am SO scouring my backyard before my kids play this afternoon.

    If I find anything, I'm calling you Rikki.

    Gross.

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  6. Moderator Said,

    My first inclination would be to run.

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  7. Anonymous Said,

    I forgot to say, I did know enough to know that no poisonous snake around here would be deadly to me, but I was concerned about the little dogs. How awful would that be?

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  8. Sarah Said,

    Yeah, I don't think two little rat dogs could handle a rat snake. But just think if Bert and Ernie found that snake...

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  9. Anonymous Said,

    Bert and Ernie would have torn that snake to shreds. It wouldn't have stood a chance. They're bloodthirsty monsters.

    Don't eff with Bert and Ernie.

    Posted on 5/08/2007

     
  10. FancyPants Said,

    That is a friggin BIG snake!

    So how did those little dogs get out there? Did the owner release them to the snake for protection, I wonder? Maybe he/she had the faith in them that you have in Bert and Ernie, only to be sadly mistaken.

    Or do you think he/she was trying to get rid of them? Here, fellas, let's go outside for a walk! HA! (Quickly slams the front door behind them.) Good riddance, Fluffy and Floofy! The snake will be fast and painless. It's the only way.....

    Posted on 5/09/2007