Today I had a speaking engagement. This happens a few times a month. I get invited to speak to a Rotory group or an old ladies group or something. (For the record, I don't think they call themselves "old ladies." I think they prefer crazy ladies Red Hat Ladies or something like that...) Today, I spoke to the Kiwanis in a nearby town.
I got to the community center, (pictured above), at which I was speaking and was told that I could go to a little kitchen counter to pick up my food. Here's what they gave me:
A divided tray.I was instantly transported back to the fourth grade and the cafegymatorium. Vague memories of being made fun of, wearing bad clothes, and reading more than the rest of my class put together rushed over me.
Then it got even more familiar: the food was almost inedible. The meatloaf tasted like feet, the salad had to be a Gitmo interrogation method, and the potatoes were blander than CBS Evening News. Also, the sweet tea was prepared by Jim Jones.
So what did I do? Did I clean my plate and smile like I've been trained to do? I can honestly eat or drink almost anything with a straight face. It's a necessity when you grow up among many cultures. So did I do that? I did not. Perhaps it was all the fourth grade flashbacks, but I decided to resort to one of my earliest techniques for avoiding eating nasty crap: I pushed it around, ate the bread, and tried to hide the food amongst itself. Behold:
If you'll notice, in the upper left-hand pod, there is footloaf underneath the torture salad. You can barely tell what I did! I'm sneaky!
I spent the rest of the day fighting an uncontrollable urge to play tetherball.
8 Cachinnations
Having been in similar situations before, I can recommend one group whose cuisine actually goes down with nary a shudder: the Rotary Club in Mexia. I was there a couple of weeks ago and had a delicious pot roast, homemade mashed potatoes, green beans, and non-Jonestown-Massacre iced tea.
Wow ... did I just recommend a civic group's monthly luncheon meeting to someone I've never met save through his blog? What a brave new world we live in.
Posted on 4/10/2008
At least the plate was divided. :)
Posted on 4/10/2008
Two things:
1. It's funny that you felt safe no member of this group would ever read your blog. (and accurate, I'm sure)
2. NEVER fight an urge to play tetherball.
Posted on 4/10/2008
Good work! See? You DID learn something in the 4th grade! ;)
BTW, how do you do strikethrough in blogger? I can never get it to work!
Posted on 4/10/2008
The pictures you take are very dramaitc. I don't see enough divided plate pictures on the Internet.
Posted on 4/10/2008
What? No mudpie brownie to lose one's teeth in? No ancient milk cartons the size of a 9-volt battery? No exploding ketchup packets?
And unless someone punched you in the nads as you returned your lunch tray, you did not truly relive the fourth grade.
Posted on 4/10/2008
If I were king, (and I should be) I would make all cafeteria food illegal and sentence the procurers of all types of food to a year of daily beatings.
Posted on 4/12/2008
OMG--divided tray! Sound the alarms, send up a flare, the food will be divided between hot and cold running dysentery. I carried my lunch in junior and senior high (no matter how nerdy that was) because I absolutely despise institutional food. It's dreck and will only serve if you are starving--I mean already losing weight starving. Survival tactics were good, push around, divide, bury, and seperate. Excellent stategies all. Did you vomit later? Or get shooters?
Posted on 4/12/2008