Earlier this week I gave you an update on Project Big Boy. In your comments, I noticed a rather high level of concern about my mayonnaise intake. I responded that you need not be concerned, for I hate the mayonnaise. Allow me to explain:
I, believe it or not, am a middle child. Most who know me would not guess this, but it is the truth, Cachinnatees. It is a well-documented fact that middle children are peacemakers. We seek to avoid making waves. We like harmony within the family. And if it comes down to it, we will swallow our complaints and objections just to make sure everyone else is happy. Thus, we often times are overlooked and neglected. This is me, friends.
Now before you begin lavishing praise and attention on me just to make sure my fragile psyche is intact, let me assure you that I have learned to deal with the difficulties my birth order dealt me. I have a healthy self-image even! (Now feel free to heap that praise and attention...) But the fact remains that I put up with quite a bit as a child. I stomached many an unpleasant experience for familial pleasantry's sake.
Which brings us to the topic du jour: grilled cheese sandwiches. I hate them. The very thought of them makes me physically ill to this day. Why you ask? Well, whenever Mom was away for lunchtime and it was up to Dad to feed us kids, Dad made the only thing he knew how: grilled cheese sandwiches. According to my Mom, he subsided on nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches and eggs until they married. Well Dad fed us grilled cheese sandwiches at every opportunity. And he didn't just make them with bread and cheese. Oh no. My sick Father slathered them with mayonnaise. 
He glopped so much on that it oozed out the sides when you squeezed it. For whatever twisted reason, both my brother and sister liked them this way. (Yet I'm the one with weight struggles. Grrr...) And so I, the middle child, bit both my tongue and the sloppy drippy grilled cheese sandwich.
And that is why I hate mayonnaise. That is why I use Hellman's as a cuss word. That is why I will never visit the island of Mahon. And that is why you need not worry about my mayonnaise intake as I work towards a healthier lifestyle.
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14 Cachinnations
From one middle child to another, I feel your pain.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Same here. Those mayo sandwiches sound gross. I think my mom made one like that once and it disgusted me as well. But you should try again with grilled cheese--the gourmet version: ciabatta or whole-grain wheat bread, swiss or gruyere cheese, sliced tomato, maybe a little basil or pesto. Then a thin spread of Smart Balance on the outsides and put it on the griddle with another heavy pan on top to squash it down... mmmmmm. You'll forget all about that mayo disaster.
Posted on 6/23/2006
mayo is the devil's toe jam. My mom had this idea for saving time on school morning's that involved taking *frozen* sandwiches out of the freezer and the theory was they would be thawed by lunch time. Mayo, tomato and baloney. Isn't this the very thing that puts people into heavy therapy?
Posted on 6/23/2006
I must admit, that I like my grilled cheese with my favorite mayo substitute, miracle whip. They just aren't the same without it.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Ha! We thought it was a treat when Grandma made them with white bread and Miracle Whip. Mom made us eat wheat bread. But I actually preferred Dad's version made with butter, no mayo, with a side of pickles and tomato soup to dip the sandwiches in. MMM.
I'm also a middle kid that doesn't care for mayo so much anymore...too much gas.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Ewwwww! Grilled cheese with mayo! Yuck! Just smother the bread in butter. I'm with you, Sarah. Side of tomato soup - heavenly.
I, as well, am a fan of Miracle Whip. That's what I grew up on. So I can't stand real mayo either. Gross. But Miracle Whip is TASTY.
Posted on 6/23/2006
However, Cach, let me caution you in case you try the Miracle Whip substitute and think you're scoring points on the no cal chart. Uh-uh. Miracles Whip is still not that great for you. Probably better than mayo, but still not good.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Of course, neither is butter. Well, just to be safe,
NO GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES FOR YOU, my friend.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Like I said, the very thought of it makes me physically ill.
A-Dub, you would have to call it something altogether different for me to even consider it. And even then you might have to sneak up on me with it.
Emma, eww. Your mom's concoction sounds like pure evil.
Fancy, Sarah, Amy, et al., Miracle Whip is just mayo with a different name as far as I'm concerned. It's white, oozy, gloppy, and the thought of swallowing it is far too similar to that of swallowing a big fat loogie. Ew.
Posted on 6/23/2006
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Did you know that women use to use Mayo in their hair to give it some extra shine?
Maybe you could try that with mayo. Much less fattening.
Posted on 6/23/2006
Sick, Mayo in the hair. I bet that's smelly.
Hi Cachinnator! I'm Fancypant's brother. I guess u r in waco? Very cool, me too.
Love your blog man.
Posted on 6/24/2006
I'm with you there bro... all the way.
I'm one of the ones who say
NO MAYONAISE!
Posted on 6/24/2006
Passive-aggressive??? Moi??? Actually, no. Passive-aggressiveness has never been my style. Trust, Susie, trust! And welcome.
Although... I will admit to having a little sister who may have a few storis about being poked by her older brothers. But I'm pretty sure I always fessed up to it. Pretty sure...
Posted on 6/25/2006