Recently I recounted a conversation between my wife and me about an unexpected deer crossing. As is the way with blog comments here at Cachinnation Central, the discussion took a bit of an unexpected turn. Eventually we began discussing random things that happened to us or our families that could only happen to families in the South.
After some coercion, I acquiesced to the request to have an intentional discussion about the most random 'country' stories we could come up with. So here's the post: Tell your most 'country' story that you know having to do with deer, hunting, BBQ, NASCAR, sweet tea, pickup trucks, debutante balls, or the like. My rule is this: any story told here must have actually happened to you or your family. No borrowing other people's stories.
(A word of caution: I find the term 'white trash' completely unacceptable. People are not trash, so please refrain from using this expression. I also at least strongly dislike the term 'redneck.' If you can do without that word, again, thank you. I'll explain in a subsequent post later this week maybe.)
|
28 Cachinnations
Some of the best I've got is simply the names from my mom's side of the family. First there's my mom and her sister: Carol Sue and Cathy Lynn. Then there's her uncle and his family:
Bob and Kay Robinson and their kids Robby Ray, Rusty Jay, and Leta Kay. Only in Texas, huh?
What have you got?
Posted on 6/27/2006
Okay, my family isn't really country at all, but my boss' is.
He told me a story about a time when his whole family was going for a nice dinner in Tyler when they hit something. His grandfather in the back told him to pull over. "Tommy Ray" (to protect the innocent) It was, unfortunately, a hog. Grandpa demanded that they field dress it, tie it onto the SUV and take it back to the trailer to butcher it. Tommy Ray tried to say no, but Grandpa insisted.
Dinner was scraped, the hog was butchered, they were country... (when country wasn't cool) not to suggest it ever was
Posted on 6/27/2006
My family is in Oklahoma, so we don't do sweet tea, but we ALL drink tea. We've eaten plenty of BBQ on the tailgate of a pickup in the wheat field. Working cattle is a source of entertainment. Dad's rodeo clowning skills come out during that time. My mama's name is Loretta Sue. Getting a cabin on the lake and fishing for a week with parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins is considered a family vacation. Then there's the 4th of July fish fry followed by fireworks in the freshly plowed field. New tools and weather gadgets are hot commodities at Christmas. Casseroles are gourmet. I'm sure there's a lot more, but I'll add that later.
You know you're country when you know the following terms:
calf fry
heifer dust
cow patty
fixin' to
noodlin'
warsh
Posted on 6/27/2006
My family is from Oklahoma. My gradma's name is Myrtle (rhymes with turtle.) My grandpa's name is Floyd. My grandpa keeps a dip cup to the right of his chair to this day, (it's an empty Folger's coffee can), and consequently when he talks, you can hardly understand him, due to the nasal quality and the failure to open the mouth because of the dip.
When we go visit my family in Oklahoma, the common thing to see when you stop at a stoplight is the drivers' doors of the trucks all around you opening, drivers leaning out, spitting, closing the door, greenlight, go.
Posted on 6/27/2006
Sorry, one more.
We used to sit around the living room or kitchen with my million cousins (mom's got 9 brothers and sisters) while grandpa played the guitar and harmonica at the same time. My favorite was the Fox and Hound song. It was really fast, and he would sing a verse, then play the harmonica, which sounded like the hounds chasing after the fox. (Lots of breaths in and out on the harmonica.) But when he got older, he would have to stop because he would get winded. My other favorite was "Beautiful, Beautiful Brown Eyes" sung in his MOST nasal vocal quality, at which my grandma would get mad because her eyes are green.
Posted on 6/27/2006
Here's another...how many uses can you find for a Folger's can?!
Posted on 6/27/2006
Fancy, is that the Fox and the Hound song from the Disney movie or somewhere else?
Also, my ex dirtbag of an uncle is named Lucky Gamble. Legally.
Posted on 6/27/2006
Sometimes in my family, we go fishing so we can get smaller fish to use as bait for bigger fish!
Everyone in my family owns a Truck
We all own a pair of Boots
A good afternoon is 30 lbs of Crawfish or a pile of Bar-b-que and some Coors light...you're lucky if we all have our clothes on!
Everyone in my family has lived in a Trailer!! and not all in the same one either...we each owned one!!
Posted on 6/27/2006
Here goes - my mom and dad are both from rural (pronounced rrruuuuuurrrl) Alabama.
My Dad is an ACTUAL rocket scientist and my mom is a shrink.
Best Dad quote - "THOSE AIN'T PIES, IS THEY?"
My mom's brothers are named Jimmy, Ray and Billy Joe (that's his BIRTH CERTIFICATE name, not a nickname).
I have a cousing named Jimbo (who's actually a real great guy and not a redneck).
I have ridden in a car going a billion miles an hour down no-named country roads in Alabama in the middle of the night with, yes, "SWEET HOME ALABAMA" blaring on the speakers.
Then there's me, the doctor, welcoming college students to a campus visit and calling them "ya'll"...
Posted on 6/27/2006
Yes, there's more. We're quite country. Hopefully this is the last I can think of.
Mom and Dad sold the trailer a year ago and moved to town. This is the first time my dad has ever had neighbors less than a quarter mile away. Mom also made him sell his rusty '75 Chevy truck (aka Old Blue) because it would be an eyesore in the neighborhood.
The "cool jobs" as a teenager are driving wheat trucks, hauling hay, and working at the grain elevator (all of which we did).
Once my sisters and I rescued baby 'possums after the mother 'possum was hit on the road. Of course, this is in addition to all the bunnies, birds, tadpoles, lizards, toads, snakes, bugs, and every other critter we used to catch.
Posted on 6/27/2006
Cach - pretty sure from somewhere else. Not sure where though. Ya know, one of them passed down songs.
Sarah - yeah, no kidding. Really, just throw the Folger's can AWAY. The worst was when you forgot that that was Grandpa's dip cup sitting there and you for some reason leaned over to look into it.
Posted on 6/27/2006
My uncle has a ropin' corral that people come out to rope cows and billy goats (thats right, billy goats) on friday nights and there is a cash prize at the end of the night. When I was a kid I got to be the corral-opener for some of these things. The billy goats were extra fun, I would take the cattle prod and zap those suckers in the nads if they didn't want to leave the gate. (did I mention that I was ornery)
My cousin got a rodeo scholarship and all of my cousins on that side of the fam had kids before the age of 19. At fourth of July, which is when I love to visit, my favorite thing is barbecued bologna. YUM.
They are a riot to be around full of wit and half of them are school teachers/farmers and the other half are just farmers. They are totally country but at the same time they all have degrees and 8 out of 9 of my Mom's brothers and sisters graduated first in their class, even if their graduating class was 25.
Such an interesting way of life. So totally different. They all know everything about each other. Sometimes I wonder what would I would be like if I would have stayed their and grown up in that environment.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Fancy, I'll get back to the Fox and the Hound in a later post.
Seth... I think you win.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Keep 'em coming! This is fun!
Posted on 6/28/2006
Country eh, lets see what Ol' grade A texas Gray-ham has.
I have a Cousin, named Cotton.
I know what noodling is.
I know several uses for a folger's can
I have picked Cotton and thought it was fun.
I have tried to catch a gila monster.
My family has fish fries and family reuinions, and I am sure that I do have cousins along the names of Jeb, DW and Ezekiel
Proper Storm instructions are go out and watch it, and then hide if the Tornado gets close, before coming out to watch it again.
I can tell by the clouds usually how the weather will be, and how bad a storm will be.
I know how to field dress things.
I have killed Turtles in a stock pond for money,and helped herd cattle.
And on an unrelated note. I have been drug by a horse.
I hope that helps.
Posted on 6/28/2006
"Those ain't pies is they?" is downright artistic. Pretty darn amazing. Thats it. I am going to right a song with that as the title.
She woke right up to fix her hair
she's so perty my sweet big mare
she's cookin the eggs
and cookin the grits
she pauses for a minute
to smell her pits
she's so fine she's all mine
my sweet honey bear.
the best thing still is the end of the day
i smell somethin cookin from my stack of hey
i hover to the kitchen like a bird of prey
and ask real soft
those ain't pies, is they?
Posted on 6/28/2006
sorry- hay not hey.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Same guy helped put a man on the MOON and worked on the SPACE SHUTTLE -
I loved the song.
Posted on 6/28/2006
I know. It's incredible. Actually that song wasn't about your dad! It was inspired by the phrase. Us musicians do that kind of thing all the time. We steal fun little phrases all the time an make up stories.
You never can tell about people can you. I went a mans house one time who had some guests over for somekind of organ guild thing. I was the guest token pianist. There was this big guy with over-alls and a burley beard. I thought he was the hired hand on the farm but later he sat down and played through about 7 preludes and fugues of Bach. He had a doctorate from I.U. in Organ and was a genius. He just liked to farm.
I think thats what we all should be more like. Farmer poets.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Seth, you should know that Dr. T is a nationally-recognized opera singer and quite a musician himself. I'll protect his identity, but needless to say, he's friggin' huuuuuge!
Posted on 6/28/2006
Initials R. R. by any chance?
Posted on 6/28/2006
Seth--I recommend Baxter Black. He writes cowboy poetry/songs and is very clever and humorous. He's my dad's favorite.
Country folk are natural poets. You can tell just by looking at Cach's family names. Bob and Kay had Robby Ray, then Rusty Jay and Leta Kay. Heck, there's a specific rhythm in the way we talk just from syllabic emphasis and diphthongs.
Oh yeah, country people are well educated, but tend to go to the same university. My whole family (immediate and extended) went to OSU, four of us with liberal arts degrees.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Yeah my fam is all from Oklahoma as well. My grandma answers the phone "nnnYellow." (hello) she starts with a "n" sound to chanel all words straight out of the nasal passage.
"I"ll be down there directly" turns into
"nnI'll be down ner dreckly"
just beautiful. Oklahoma accents are distictly different from other accents. It isn't really a Southern Draw its something else all together. The words are usually said really fast but with kind of an economy of motion as far as the lips and vowels go. Thats why it all comes out the schnozola. The only part that is slow is the "nnn" part at the begining. It has kind of like a rubber band effect on the rest of the words.
I'll check out that poet.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Yeah, we Okies definitely talk faster than the average Southern. We still use the southern drawl in terms of vowels, but the thing that separates us from the Texans besides the River and consequent football loyalties is the use and abuse of the word "y'all". We actually use "you guys" more than "y'all". My family doesn't do the nasal thing though...could be regional. Dad answers the phone with "hyello". We do have the over-exaggerated R's. I'd say Reba McIntyre probably has the purest Okie accent.
Oh, and you ain't country enough unless you can two-step! In college, we'd go two-steppin' at the Tumbleweed Ballroom (aka the Weed) during the annual Testicle Festival (Official Website: www.calffry.com) which occurs at the end of August when all the students come back. There's a hip-hop club on the side of the building called Tremors. There is nothing funnier than a decked-out, skinny-butt cowboy in tight Wranglers trying to dance/grind to hip-hop, but nearly impaling himself on his prize rodeo belt buckle that's bigger than his head.
Posted on 6/28/2006
The Red River! My family lives in Texas now (We don't really claim ourselves as Okies...sorry Sarah) and when my brother and I were little, we couldn't wait to get to the Red River on our road trips from Texas to Oklahoma to see my grandparents. We had a brown station wagon. My parents would of course sit in the front. My brother and I would put down the seats in the back and stretch out in our sleeping bags. But when we'd come to the Red River, we'd know the Oklahoma sign was a'comin'. So we'd sit up real fast, get real bright eyed and excited, watch the river as we passed, and then count down....
5!...4!...3!...2!...1!.....
WE'RE IN OKLAHOMA!!!!!!
We were so excited. Maybe we're still Okies at heart, just don't want to claim it.
Posted on 6/28/2006
Well Fancypants, sounds like your fondest memories are in Oklahoma. And if that's the case, you're still an Okie at heart. ;)
And I may be the biggest dork on the planet, but I certainly belt out the song, Oklahoma! whenever I cross the river on my way home. It's such a fun song to sing. (don't worry...I'm actually a good singer)
Posted on 6/28/2006
Sorry Seth, he's J.T.
And what's up with all the Okies? Beeki was born there too. (We don't talk about it much...) Okay... I don't talk about it much. Sheesh. Okies.
Posted on 6/28/2006
I'm not really very country at all, I guess. I grew up mostly in Houston, so perhaps if we change the definitions just a little, I can get in on all this fun.
How about this: I sold the Houston Post door-to-door with a young fella who had long hair and round glasses (looked a little like John Denver). He used to bring his guitar to work with him, and one of those little harmonica-holder things you hang from your neck. We were impressed with him. Kid had talent.
You've probably heard of him, he went on to do pretty well for himself: Clint Black.
And another: My daughter's grandpa (my ex-wife's father) is Johnny Lee. If that name doesn't ring a bell, I'm sure you've heard his biggest hit, "Lookin' for love (in all the wrong places)". The ultimate urban cowboy theme song, that was absolutely ubiquitous during its run in the 80's.
Okay, so I don't have much street cred as a country boy. How about this: A company I was working for in Houston moved their headquarters to Brenham, and I relocated there with them (Brenham, halfway between Houston and Austin, home of Blue Bell Ice Cream). I lived in a mobile home that I rented, out in the country, on 120 acres. There were horses and cows. These livestock would often wake me up early in the morning scratching their backs on the edge of the underside of my trailer home (it didn't have one of those skirts to enclose the area underneath it). Uh... I rode a tractor, the landlord where I lived there paid me $2/hr to mow parts of his 120 acres.
Okay, I'm grasping at straws. I'm not very country at all. I don't even like country music very much (though I am impressed with some of the history and pioneers of music that have passed through Nashville, where I now live).
I just didn't want to be left out of all this fun. :-)
Posted on 6/29/2006