Today was The Colonel's birthday. We celebrated by going to a hibachi place for dinner and then back to his casa for cake. My sister, Sisser, and her husband, Sgt. Killer, came and Sisser made the cake. She waited until we got to Casa Baker to ice and decorate it. We didn't have any candles or candy, so we had to improvise. See the video below:



Then the following ensued. I so wish that this were one of those wacky atypical moments of insanity, but the truth is that it's a fairly typical exchange when my family gets together. I know that some of you think I make stuff about them up, (particularly about The Crackhead), but I don't. Now, you'll need help to follow what you're about to see. Here's the narrative: We present the cake and sing Happy Birthday to The Colonel. Then he, the 30 year intelligence analyst, tries to decipher the decoration. Then Crackhead and Sisser argue about grammar. Then Sgt. Killer and Sisser argue about Sgt. Killer buying a car from The Colonel. Then Crackhead tries to describe selling something on the internet. Then everyone argues more about selling/not selling the car. Throughout, Beeki wonders what kind of mess she's gotten into by joining the family voluntarily. Then Crackhead tells the dog, Yofi, who is Bert and Ernie's sister, to talk The Colonel out of selling the car to Sgt. Killer. Then The Colonel gets depressed because his slice of cake is too small. Seriously.



So that was The Colonel's birthday. He's 59. And I need a drink.

I find this photo somehow symbolic and emblematic of my family.