As you know, Bert has had to wear a lampshade lately. She couldn't stop biting her butt. But we felt terrible for her. So we gave her breaks from the lampshade.

And how did she use her freedom? To smash her face into the floor in a mad attempt to scratch her ears. She rubbed so hard that she gave herself little cuts inside her ears.

So we had to give her Benadryl to help alleviate the itching. Now she's moping around, sleeping a lot, blinking slowly, and wagging her tail randomly.

We've decided that she's a doggie version of a cutter who is crying out for attention. And now she's on drugs.

We're going to stage an intervention. It is sure to feature a lot of petting, dog biscuits, and sleeping.