Mystery solved. I took my car in and got it fixed. The total bill? $60. No, I didn't have to put out for the mechanic. The problem wasn't mechanical. Turns out, my car's security system decided I stole the car. It locked me out from being able to start the engine. No signal lights, no warning. I didn't even know the car could do that! It's a bit disturbing. I mean, my car shouldn't be smarter than some of my family members, right? At any rate, it is fixed. I've got it back. And I didn't celebrate with a malt.